I haven't weighed myself in a while. The last several times I weighed myself, my weight remained at around the 5 pound lost mark. Josh thinks I should weigh myself about once a month so that I don't become a slave to the scale and a number progression.
I have two fears. I mostly fear that I won't lose weight and won't know I am not losing weight and I will lose precious time in changing up what I should be doing. I am also afraid that I will weigh myself and keep trying harder and not lose and then do what I typically do: "Well if I am trying so hard and not even losing, why am I doing this?" .. go off plan..and gain weight. I HAVE TO promise myself to stay on track no matter what.
I feel lighter around the middle regardless.
My first goal is simply to stay put on plan and not waiver. My second goal is to lose 20 pounds from where I am now. That was the weight I remember being when I began working with a trainer at the gym.. when i could NOT believe I had hit that weight mark.. that I had gotten so fat. That is a landmark for me, because even though i wasn't happy at that weight, I looked SO much better then and I have a lot of clothes i could be wearing right now. That was about 3 years ago.
My next goal is 20 pounds from THAT place. That is around the weight I was during a lot of my single years. I looked decent.. again.. I have a lot of nice clothes from that period of time and it was a weight I think I could be relatively happy with.
.. and if I want to continue on.. my next goal would be 10-15 pounds from that place. That is the weight I was at after doing a juice fast and also the weight I was at when I got divorced. I think I could wear a size 6 jeans then and look good in them. Anything below that mark will be "pre second kid" weight and at my age.. I am really not sure i can or even want to get that low again. Josh doesn't like skinny anyhow.. and I am a bit worried I might look older at that size. Then again.. if i get that low.. I can see myself wanting to see if i can hit my ultimate goal. My weight range for my height is about 95 pounds to 120 or so. 107.5 is the midrange of that and about what I was before and after I had my oldest child.
Meanwhile I am so very far from that number right now that it feels like a gigantic impossibility. Why can't I just lose a giant chunk right now and get all amped up with motivation? What do i need to do differently??
I am still doing a lowish carb plan. I am probably eating more carbs than I ought to. Sometimes.. like once every three days or so.. I will put frozen tart cherries into my low carb shake. While Dukan calls for nonfat dairy, I am going with the higher fat dairy products and aiming to keep the carbs low. I am still trying to eat a lot of veggies with lean protein. I am back to using those shakes 1-3 times a day. I have had a glass of wine maybe once every other day to every day. That probably should stop.
I am afraid to exercise. My energy level is SO LOW all the time.. chronically low.. and has been for at least a year. Getting on the treadmill.. taking a walk.. all those things I fear will sap me of whatever energy i had left to get through the day and set me back days in health. Hating that.
So just checking in. Aside from 2 days of eating Passover foods (I had some matzo and some dessert for two days), I have stayed on plan and that is something to be pleased with. Please OH please gods of the scale and thighs.. please let me show a several pound loss next time so that i have some sort of victory to hang my hat on. If not, then I will have to reevaluate and decide what I need to change.
How is everyone else doing?
I have been doing fantastically with no grains and no dairy (and consequently low sugar, as for me there is little point in eating sugar if it's not piggy-backed on grains or dairy.) No restricting calories, just those particular foods. No soy either, as well as anything that isn't a whole food. Pain is gone, bloating is gone, energy is back. Also, I've lost about 10 pounds effortlessly. Shh, I'm keeping quiet about that because I have really had it with our society's intense focus on women's size. I swear, the most excited anyone has ever been about anything I've ever done is when I've lost weight. That is messed up. I won't lie, I am thrilled about the prospect of being a bit more fashionable, but dieting simply does not work for me, so if I lose weight or not, so be it, the important thing (the thing I now know how to control) is how I feel. I know that people are different, but I can't help but wish everyone with these issues would try going without grains and dairy for just a week, just an experiment, see what happens. I mean, if you think about it, doesn't it kind of make sense? That human beings didn't evolve to eat these things, so that some (I think most, honestly) have trouble processing them? And get sick from them?
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