Day 28 Pound Lost

Today I weighed at 163.2 which is a full pound from the last time I lost bringing me to an 11 pound loss. Yesterday I had showed a gain of 1 pound, today is two pounds less.

I am in a rancid mood with nothing positive to say. I like watching my tummy getting smaller. I like that as i was cleaning my room last night, I hung up that pants of "bona fide fat jeans" that i never ended up wearing knowing I never will have to.

I bought a few extra products from Wonder Slim to break up the monotony. I have some 160 calorie high protein bars for something to chew on and some instant cup a soup thingies that are high in protein. I haven't tried the high protein hot cocoa yet.

When people say their stomach is shrinking, (as in you need less food to feel full, not as in weight wise).. is that a real phenomenon or is it a psychological adjustment?

I need a treadmill. Anyone have one they are using to sling their laundry over and can get rid of it for a very reasonable price, please get in touch with me.

Drinking water today. Didn't meet my fitness goal again. My daughter wants to introduce me to yoga. It might be a nice bonding thing for us...she feels very helped by it and swears it has trimmed her down.

That's all folks. I don't want to bleed my nasty bad mood into this happy blog.


Ciao.

Day 26

Today is Day 26. In my fantasies, I would be about 30 pounds thinner today. In reality, I am ten. If you had told me that I would lose about ten pounds in one month and that most people would not really be able to notice a difference, I probably would not have embarked on the journey. That said, had I gone the traditional route (Weight Watchers etc) I would likely be under a 5 pound loss now, if that. The truth is that this is one fifth of where I want to be, so I am choosing to focus on the fact that i have completed one of five steps. If I complete my journey more or less in the next four months, then I will have lost 50 pounds before summer. And that is huge.

I weighed myself yesterday and my weight was exactly the same as it had been the last time I weighed. I was actually encouraged. In the very beginning I weighed myself a few times and got a sense of what the real weight was because it changed each time. I now am committed to step on the scale ONE TIME only and whatever it says, I am claiming. So when i saw the exact same weight, what it said to me was that it was a genuine one pound loss and not a glitch whatever the first weigh in happened to say the day I had weighed. Make sense?

How do I feel? I feel smaller in the middle. I keep looking sideways in the mirror expecting to see the small waist I used to have and sigh as I see the smaller version of what I had grown to be. I do feel a difference. I have a sense that I am about to turn a corner and will see a decent loss in the next week or so.

I have really dropped the ball on the workout thing. I walked one time this week and did the meager two flights of stairs to my appointment on Friday (I do several flights of stairs a few times a day anyhow at work.. but this was a change.. not taking the elevator when I normally would have). There is still tomorrow. There is still tonight if i feel up to it.

I am not drinking my water. I am not sure why I am having such a hard time with that lately. It could be because I haven't been feeling well and I don't like cold water when I feel sick.

I haven't been writing everything down like I had been. I think I have stayed pretty close to my maximum, but unless I keep track, there is no way to know. Homemade chicken soup is not on my plan and I have subsisted greatly on that the last week or more. I have no idea if i have had more than I should. All I know is that I feel like crap and all I want to do is get a lot of rest and drink warm liquids.. so I am going with that for now.

So that reset button I guess has been on "pause". I am just not going to beat myself up for not super excelling. I am really doing well. I have totally avoided almost all temptations (example of giving in: I had some golden beets/butternut squash/onions at my friend Daniel's house last night which was probably starchy and high in calories. Example of NOT giving in: I bought my kids some patisserie quality eclairs for dessert the other night and a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and i didn't as much as lick a spoon. I haven't taken a taste of anything I have felt was not OK for me to eat since the weekend I felt I had overindulged. I have really made good choices. I don't even feel badly about the dish (and seconds on it..) last night because it was organic fresh vegetables and, at most, it was higher in calories than I should have had, but I doubt I went over 1500 calories for the day.

So I am just checking in. Nothing outrageous to report except that I am keeping on. The alternative is to put the ten pounds back on and get depressed. Not going there. If in a month I have dropped another ten pounds, then I will be elated. I am still aiming for a 40 pound loss by the last week of April.

My wish: I wish I had a treadmill in my house for those days I just cannot get out of the house and I feel a modicum of inspiration to work out. My place is small. There really is no place for a treadmill.. but if i had to redo my room and get rid of something in order to have a treadmill in there.. I would do it. Anyone getting rid of a treadmill? :)

On the bright side, I am having a wonderfully relaxing weekend with my daughter watching movies we have wanted to see and just chilling. It is very well needed.

I hope you all are keeping on. A chuckle to the person who replied to my last post that I was RELIEVED that i was only sick and not hungry :) So true. Very sad!!!

~S at 165.2

Day 22: I am sick - not weak from hunger

Well that is a relief. My sore neck turned into sore throat glands, sore throat, body aches and exhaustion. What I assumed was weakness from low calories is just this nasty bug that won't go away.

Today i feel worse. It is a very very busy week at work and I cannot go home until I get the invoices into the mail and the beanbag is being used right now at lunch. Note to self: Buy my own beanbag for lunch naps! A fuzzy happy one.

This morning I weighed in at 164.2. That means a pound lost since day 15. One pound in a week. JOY. Or I could be the same as i was ten pounds ago.

Since I am not feeling well, I am just not hungry. I have had ONE shake so far and have a lean cuisine in the micro right now. Today will likely be a low calorie day simply because BLA!!!

I am eager to get my billing finished and maybe go home early and jump headfirst into a cozy bed... except my son has a strings concert tonight that I cannot miss.

Nothing prolific to say. Just needed to post the weight and clarify the weakness thing.

I have enjoyed SO MUCH getting the comments and emails from everyone. I agree with Karen that this is a lifelong choice. How I am choosing to take the weight off might not be a long term choice, but eating healthy and viewing certain foods as occasional treats rather than "regulars" is a lifetime choice.

I hope you all are staying healthy and rested. This is one persistant bug going around.

Let's Hit the "Reset" Button - Day 21

So major overhaul of the program. I am three weeks into it and i simply KNOW i haven't dropped much scale weight if any since the last time I weighed... what was that... day 15? I haven't been home where my scale is so WHEW. safe.

I think that if I didn't have "external goals" then what I am doing would be fine. I will lose weight gradually and that is ok. But because I have to make a big trip and wear the toothpick uniform NOT intended for short curvy girls .. I am in a hurry to lose a chunk in a relatively short amount of time. I can do this. I just need to adjust and accept it.

So I did a major slash of the calorie plan. Today I had five shakes spaced out about 2 hours apart (500 calories total) and am having a big salad with grape tomatoes, some avocado, chicken breast, and light dressing for dinner. I haven't calculated it out, but my aim is for about 300-400 calories for dinner.

Side effects? Wow. NO energy and very weak when I hit the end of the day. I collapsed in bed, put my feet up, and made my loved ones serve me dinner there LOL. OY such a princess. I am amazed at how much different I felt NOT having that Lean Cuisine type meal at lunch.

I did walk the deposit to the bank today.. about a 25 minute brisk round trip. The weather was gorgeous and the walk felt very good. Of course the banks are closed today, but I needed an excuse to get some activity.

I need to seriously step this up. I am serious about wanting to drop 40 pounds total by the end of April. Let's say I have dropped 9 already... I have 31 to go depending on what my scale reads now. Can I do that in 9 weeks? Maybe. It will be a lot easier if i start getting exercise more than 3 mild occasions a week.

Anyhow. I have hit the reset button. These last 20 days were valuable. I have already talked about the "mindset" and staying faithful. I hit a few speed bumps this weekend with some activities and a party but it could have been much much worse. some people believe that having one day with extra calories tricks your body and helps you to lose weight more efficiently when you drop back down. We shall see.

Not much more to say. I am having some great conversations with others in my same predicament working hard at making changes in their lives. I am working hard at not getting discouraged and focusing on the positive things. Remember that once you start, you are already winning the battle. If you make no changes, you are continuing on the path you are not happy with. Every small step is toward your goal.

When I did Weight Watchers for the first time around 1992-1993 or so, their weight tracker had this "yellow brick road" type thing where each step equaled a half pound or so. I went weekly faithfully and weighed in. I remember getting my first five and ten pound loss ribbons. Even though I lost a half pound at a time... I got to see on the little road map all those little half pounds adding up to a road leading to my ultimate goal weight. I think that I should make one of those for this time around too. I am so freaking impatient that a half pound would make me cry. But five half pounds is a 2.5 pound loss that is permanently off your body. Big events are made up of lots of small steps, choices, and decisions.

Can someone remind me of that when I come on here weeping over whatever the scale tells me? Please?

Success in your small steps to you all...

Sheri

Day 20 - Shifting Gears

So I have no weight to report as I am not where my scale is. But that's OK. While losing scale weight is VERY essential to me, there are other "signposts" that are equally as important to me. Like the skirt that zipped up all the way and my "Casual Friday Jeans". This past Friday, they felt loose around the waist and never pinched at all.

So I think I have determined that I need to lower my calorie count. I also think that I am going to start bringing raw vegetables with me to snack on at work. Not necessarily because i am hungry but because I just don't feel I am getting enough fresh produce. As of right now, I have not made my exercise quota for the week let along "stepped it up". Our plan is to hit the gym at some point today, so there is hope yet.

I feel a difference in my middle. I haven't had the small apnea like occurrence happen in a while (that I am aware of) which tells me my body has made some changes. All that said, if i don't lower my calorie count, I am not going to see the loss I want to see in the time I want to see it. So I am going to attempt to make 1000 my top calorie level. Gasp. Maybe even 800-1000. This will probably require me to rely more on the shakes and less on the frozen meals. I just know I am not losing the scale pounds and that is what i am eager to see.

Also, there have been too many exceptions lately in my schedule.. work receptions, parties etc. I have had alcohol three times this week which is definitely not a part of my plan. I think I need to limit it to two drinks a week at the very most. I have eaten food items that are not on my plan in circumstances where i didn't have as much choice or control over what was being served/offered. In the past I might have chosen to avoid those circumstances or brought something along with me or simply abstained from what was being served. There have been three occurrences this week alone where this happened. I need to be more judicious about where I end up and with what tools to get through the occasion.

The GOOD news is that my portion control HAS improved significantly and, during those occasions I have eaten outside of my plan, I ate small amounts rather than a bountiful plateful. Portion control has always been my weak spot.

So in a nutshell on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I am discouraged by my lack of progress and some of my poorer decisions this week but encouraged by my persistence and commitment to my program. I WILL weigh in at the end of the weekend and report honestly even if i show a gain.

I have taken the celery cleanse for two full days now and have not encountered a miraculous result yet. I realize that it can take several days for it to kick in and I will try to be patient for another day or so. The product allows for doubling up on the product if needed. Today I will do four packets instead of two. If after a week I am not seeing results, I will order a different product.

I don't have much else to report. Ups and Downs.. life happens. I haven't been as successful at navigating the special events as I have been my regular days and I am going to need to prepare for that better. I have found that if I don't have a solid plan walking into a situation, I am not going to come out successful.

I am eager to hear how everyone else is doing and what is encouraging you and discouraging you? What has been successful for you? What obstacles have you overcome?

Day 16 and looking forward

OK. My luxurious soak in the pity tub is over. As people have said repeatedly.. I didn't put this weight on overnight and it isn't goign to come off overnight. Let's look at my progress:

I STARTED. That, in and of itself, is huge. If I hadn't started, I would still be .. well.. where I started and more depressed and simply whining about how I hated how I look. TODAY I am in the mindset of progress, I have changed significant lifestyle decisions and I have seen (as of this am) an official 9 pound loss since my mammo in early January.. but specifically since I began this program 16 days ago. I went from being 100% sedentary to the point of taking an elevator instead of going up two flights of stairs to the third floor of appointments.. to becoming NON sedentary looking for opportunities to walk instead of ride and eager to get back to the gym when I can work it in.

A skirt I couldn't zip up the last few inches now zips up all the way. My jeans no longer leave me with the appearance of a surgical scar across my tummy. I am hydrating myself daily. I have limited my alcohol intake to one or maybe two drinks per week if at all. (not to diss on myself, but that is a big change for me).

This morning I weighed myself and was at 165. Not a huge loss from the last weigh in, but it totals 9 pounds from my zap me into reality weigh in at the doctor's office in early January. AND IT'S A LOSS. If I had been doing Weight Watchers, I MIGHT have seen half this loss in 16 days, but likely not.

As I type, I have one of my "ocean sounds subliminals" playing. Again.. if all this does for me is a placebo effect, then that is fine with me as long as I see a result. I can testify that when I had been listening to the exercise motivation ones last week, I was chomping at the bit to get in the gym. I haven't listened to it since and haven't had that pressing urge since.

Also, I am keeping in mind this loss is coming in the worst time of my cycle. I am content that I saw a loss.

I also FEEL different. Have i dropped two sizes? No. But that last bit of hugely uncomfortable extra I had put on is not here anymore. And I am 9 pounds closer to where I was 16 days ago.

Dispelling well-meaning advise:

There are (at least) two kinds of people who have faced weight loss needs. Those that have always had weight issues and have needed to constantly be on top of it or conscious of it from childhood on and those who grew up without weight issues but have come to a point in their lives they have weight to take off due to childbirth or age or bad eating habits that have caught up with them.

I have seen people who grew up skinny even eating unlimited junk food, drinking soda, and never needing to pay attention to these things who find themselves as adults utterly clueless how to cope with weight gain. Some learn how to take the weight off and some simply never address it.

I am one who is genetically predisposed to certain traits from birth. My brother used to joke about one of my baby pictures calling me the Michelin Tire Man. As a baby, I had fat pads like the said character even though i wasn't a fat baby, per se. I was never fat as a child or teenager, but I struggled with weight issues. I had a teensy waist naturally, but was significantly bottom heavy. I have literally never ever a single day in my whole life had thin legs. And I assume that I never will. I can post pictures of myself at 95 pounds at the age of 16 with a rail thin waist... and heavy thighs. I have never ever been looked at as skinny. I come from a family with both weight issues on one side, genetic body characteristics on the other side and extremely neurotic self-hating weight/eating habits/thoughts generationally. I remember being "on a diet" at the age of 8. I have never not been conscious of my size. I was also married to a man who preferred ultra stick skinny women and was never content with my size even when I weight 107 pounds AFTER having a child.

I grew up knowing how to cook healthy and economically. I have been a raw vegan, done long term fresh juice fasts, done low carb heavy carnivore diets, and everything in between. There was a time I ate only fresh fruits and vegetables with raw seeds and nuts. I made salad dressings out of first cold pressed olive oil and ground seeds and nuts. I know all about what to eliminate that is unhealthy. Except for an occasional loaf of potato bread and Challah, I literally never have purchased white bread in my adult life. I nearly never eat pasta or rice.. even at the Chinese buffet. I KNOW HOW TO EAT HEALTHY. It is really really hard for me when people tell me "Just cut out xyz and the weight will come off". Please know that i appreciate input and believe that is the healthy way to eat. But it will NOT make the weight come off me. Please trust me. When I did Weight Watchers to the letter and ate at the bottom of my points allowance, I might have dropped a half pound to a pound a week IF THAT. And sometimes I didn't lose anything at all consistently.

After I had my youngest, I tried several different plans and found myself stuck or gaining. I eventually went on a series of water fasts, juice fasts, eating raw, and doing a combination of the above to finally lose about 30 pounds. And I did maintain nearly all of the loss even when I began eating "normal but extremely healthy" again. But eating raw alone.. no weight loss.

Please trust me on this. You don't have to agree with me or do what I am doing, but please understand that I know my body and I know what doesn't work for me. This is what I have chosen for very specific reasons. I have no intention of living forever on prepackaged frozen meals and diet shakes. I feel confident I can maintain my lost weight by eating in the ways I know to be best for my body: a diet based on fresh produce with minimal carbs and plenty of lean protein. And lots of exercise.

OK. I am done with all that.

So I wanted to share a few of the tools I have found helpful to me. This is the daily diary I have been printing off and using to keep track of my eating habits, calories, water, and activity. Sometimes I jot feelings down or goals.

http://www.personal-nutrition-guide.com/food-diary.html

This is the web page of my "Guru Hera". http://www.easywayshow.com/
I realize my results will not mirror hers for a variety of reasons, but she has been a huge inspiration to me. She has a Youtube site and a blog as well. You can probably find all that by on the website or by googling Impatient dieter. Unfortunately, she has not been quite as active lately on her page, but please note that her weight loss journey is many years old and that she has maintained her drastic loss for two years. I look at results like that and listen.

Here is a web site I found yesterday that I found compelling. I haven't explored it thoroughly, but it began as three sisters on a weight loss journey and evolved into a site with over 70,000 followers. I got my weight tracker at this site. http://www.3fatchicks.com/

So today my focus is to drink my water (yesterday I was lucky if I drank 24 whole ounces. Today I need to hit about 96 or so) and to get motivated and make concrete plans to get back into the gym. I have two more workouts to make my weekly minimum and I vowed to "step it up" in some way this week. This might involve getting onto some lifting machines when i am off the treadmill or simply having a fourth day.

One of my friends expressed a concern that my 40 pounds by the end of April was setting myself up to fail. Yeah.. I can see that. But I have seen 9 pounds in 2 weeks more or less.. so it is possible. It is what I am aiming for. If i surpass it... wonderful. If i don't meet it but have lost 20 or 25 then i am that much further ahead than I was. It IS possible. Is it probable? Maybe not. But I plan to try.

Most of all.. I have so much appreciated all the support and comments I have gotten. Each of you who are following the blog "officially", I have silently noticed and appreciated each one. Even Tricia who I haven't even acknowledged but have meant to say THANK YOU and I am so glad you are here. I thank the ones who have read my blogs and commented on my Facebook Page and urged me onward or told me how my blog had sustained them that day (Like you, Ilana). You are my support team and I cannot overstate how much I appreciate the support and comraderie.

Have a successful day.. whatever that means for you..

S

Bla bla Day 15 Bla Bla

Can you tell how thrilled I am?

OK so first.. I met my exercise goals for last week and am 1/3 the way through this week more or less (read: i walked to a meeting in the rain equaling 20 mostly brisk walking minutes).

The icky TMI stuff: despite the mysterious powder attempts and some fiber laxative help, I found myself er... deadlocked. By Sunday evening I did a sea salt water flush. I had used this a few times when I did a 30 day juice fast in 2002. Mix 2 teaspoons of sea salt in a quart of warm water and guzzle it down. No more blockage. In fact, the ocean will rain out of your butt. It EVENTUALLY worked, but not for a while and only after I drank nearly a second quart of VERY SALTY WATER. After that, all I wanted to do was guzzle fresh water and eat fruit.

Monday I woke up feeling like a pickle. I seriously felt like some briny sea creature and seriously OFF. I drank probably 100 ounces of water to try to dilute the salty feeling I had. My eyes were puffy and I had some edema and it was very NOT GOOD. The sea salt is not supposed to be absorbed into your body and I have read hundreds of testimonies of how wonderfully this works and without any side effects. I can only guess that my reaction came from a) poor quality sea salt (dear Josh ran out to get me some sea salt and I had forgotten to tell him specifically what kind and where to find it. He brought back Morton's brand which is probably refined and without any trace minerals.) or b) my current diet plan. Regardless.. it did what it was supposed to do and this morning I woke up feeling normal.

I SWORE I would not weigh myself this morning. I mean.. after being brined.. after eating a bigger than normal dinner the night before and being at the wrong portion of my cycle.. it seemed.. unwise emotionally :) So i did it anyhow. The first time showed a three pound loss.. and the next three times showed three other totally different random numbers (showing gains) so i kicked the damned scale back under my bed and forgot about it. OK so i didn't really forget about it. I internally whined about how hard I have worked at this and GEEZ by now I should have seen a dramatic difference... and why oh why is it SO hard for me to shed this damned weight?

Sniff. Sob. Then I put my skirt on. The same skirt i wrote about last week... and zipped it all the way up to the top with ease (last week i wasn't able to) so that pacified me some.

I have this inner fear that I am not going to see much of a loss by my goal time and will make a public idiot of myself on this blog. Sniff. Sob. I am not sure if I need to eat fewer calories or more. I am going with fewer. This week I was to up my exercise routine a notch.. from three incidents of activity I would not normally do to .. I don't know.. something more. I am still afraid to go to a class at the gym yet. I am SO incredibly out of condition that I am afraid I won't make it through a full class. And I am so not about public humiliation :) (That is why I am writing a blog about how much weight I have gained, right?)

Can you see all this negativity I am stewing in????? I know that we project into our lives and tend to fulfill what we project. This is not what I want to be sowing into my existence.

In other news, I found a site that has all kinds of calculations for dieting... how many calories you need to maintain your weight, lose fat, lose extreme fat (is any of my fat NOT extreme?). One of the calculators was to determine what your ideal weight should be. For my height, gender and frame (medium or large boned) the thing told me i should weigh 91 - 97 pounds (medium boned) or 102-107 pounds (large boned). Are you friggen kidding me? I think my ass weighs that much right now. Ok. No it doesn't. I weighed about 100 to 105 pounds in HIGH SCHOOL. I am not sure i will ever get under 120 again. Maybe 115 if i make this my entire focus in life... but 107????? That depressed me. Even Weight Watchers states that my goal range should be from 97-120 pounds.

So I will weigh myself tomorrow and "weigh in" honestly. If i haven't lost, then so be it. I will adjust SOMETHING in the plan and try to hone in on what I need to do differently.

I am just so impatient. I want to have results like the Impatient Dieter did and drop 20 pounds in two weeks (she dropped it in two days..) and am frustrated that I haven't. My goal is to have dropped 40 pounds by the end of April when I go to New York. That is milepost 1.

How is everyone else doing? I know that there are people reading and that many of you are having success or not-yet success at your efforts. Please feel free to comment liberally and mention what is and isn't working for you. What your goals are. How you are overcoming your obstacles.

Thanks for reading my bla bla post today :) Hopefully tomorrow will be a Ra Ra post :)

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