Famished

Last night I hit “famished”. It wasn’t too horribly bad.. but a good dinner didn’t satisfy me and left me hungry later. For dinner I had baked winter squash, fresh brussel sprouts and catfish nuggets cooked without fat, simmered in some water , drained, and then finished with a small sprinkling of corn meal, shredded coconut and drizzled with some lite coconut milk (simmered). It was very nice! I ended up making a later night diet shake with ( a diet shake mix and) a frozen banana and ¼ cup of cottage cheese blended. It was VERY filling and satisfying. I also ate about ¼ cup of the cottage cheese (additionally) on its own. I began today with hunger pains and feeling hungry earlier than usual.

My new shakes arrived this morning and, due to my gnawing hunger, I have been able to try two of the new flavors. The flavors are REALLY good, but I have to say I am not super impressed with Sucralose over Aspertame. We’ll see if it gives me nasty headaches also. So my solution today is to have a shake when I am hungry. I will have a nice big salad at lunch and hopefully a nice filling healthy dinner. If I allow myself to get super hungry, I am going to topple over and I want to avoid that even if I go over my caloric allowance by a bit for a day or two. Remember that I had been expecting a few days of ravishing hunger following a few days of not eating many calories last week.

I have chosen not to weigh myself since Sunday.

Due to interfering life and lack of an established routine, I have still not gotten on my treadmill. I am going to have to find a way to make it part of my daily life somehow while still feeling like I get SOME down-time before the lights go off. I USED TO get up at 5:30 and go to the gym twice a week before work. I should be able to do this.

I need to be patient and let things work. It WILL work if I stick with it and don’t quit. This time around, I really really do not want to fail no matter what happens in life. I am hoping the people in my life will encourage me and spur me onward even when I start making excuses or resting on laurels of recent loss.

I am trying to plan for the upcoming holiday season. This Saturday is my office Holiday party at a local chic Italian restaurant. I am trying to anticipate how to handle it.. avoid bread and pasta (at an Italian restaurant.. oy).. maybe allow myself to lightly sample appetizers and avoid dessert. Since I am not drinking, that cuts out calories tremendously. I have thought through allowing myself a modified meal off plan for upcoming events with limits. One night of maybe 3 latkes.. and then be done with it. One meal of a compromised special dinner with limits.. and be done. I know how to make things work.. I ask for extra vegetables in substitution for the starch.. I choose the healthier protein option that is not drenched in cream and cheese.. I avoid the bread basket or allow myself a small nibble and be done with it.. etc. If my mind is determined, I can do it. If I can vow to do twice the exercise for each modified meal, I can probably counterbalance.

The key is to acknowledge that I am not being “ripped off” or missing out on anything. This is a choice I am making to be happier with my skin suit and my health. I can try Josh’s dessert, taste it, and be done. I am doing something much better for myself by working hard at this NOW so that my life can feel more enjoyable to me in the future. I do NOT like existing in a fog of shame and regret.

Meanwhile, the season for coworkers fattening each other up with shared goodies has begun. My desk is situated so that most of the goodies are placed directly in front of me. Today, there is a tub of caramel toffee scones sitting in front of me. I am handling it fine, but I let everyone know that I will probably relocate the goody location to another spot in the office from this point forward. I only have so much willpower!

So I am considering this period of time sort of “coasting”.. just doin’ the stuff and waiting for noticeable results. When clothes begin to fit me better and ultimately when I can begin wearing clothes that have been on hiatus for some time.. I will be a lot more encouraged. Until then, the scale is my barometer, unfortunately.

I have REALLY appreciated and enjoyed the feedback/encouragement/notes I have been getting more than anything else. Please keep commenting and writing.. follow the blog.. let me know how you are doing etc. I cannot tell you enough how much it has and does sustain me and prod me onward.

Enjoy today..