What the hell week am I on anyhow?

I can’t remember the last number I had posted. I have started two or three new posts and have lost them, so here goes my third try.

At last weigh in, I had lost a total of 7.8 pounds. Since then, I had my son’s birthday Chinese buffet dinner (where I tried to stay as close to plan as possible, but.. ) and my company Holiday dinner (I deliberately chose to go off plan “within reason”.. I indulged more than I had planned to). It has been VERY difficult getting back and staying back on plan since then. I have been craving heavy foods constantly and once you dip your toe in compromise, it becomes easier and easier to justify. I am really TRYING to stay on plan and, for the most part, I have been successful. My biggest downfall has been that I have stopped writing everything down and I need to begin doing that again. I have begun adding some frozen fruit to some of my shakes and one or two shakes per day, I allow either low calorie coconut milk (not the canned kind, but the kind in the soy milk/rice milk/almond milk category) which is about 50 calories per cup OR I blend in ¼ cup of low fat cottage cheese into the shake. I have no idea how that has played out calorie wise.

This morning I did force myself to weigh in and I had gained 1.6 pounds from the last time I had weighed. I think this is reasonable considering the two dinners out and the one dinner at someone’s house AND this being my hormonal “week before”.

So my current goal is to start writing every little thing down again and stop guessing and hoping I am within my range.

My best motivation is looking at pictures of myself even two years ago (when I was horrified about how much weight I had gained but was still much smaller than I am now) and renewing my commitment to stay on track.

I have to say I HAVE noticed a marked difference between the Aspertame shakes and the Sucralose shakes. I feel like crap when I drink the former and fine when I drink latter. Aspertame consistently gives me headaches and I get a weird sensation on the roof of my mouth. I have always gotten that from aspartame. Plus, I am currently consuming a shake and occasionally I am getting these horrible tasting crystals that taste like a chemical cleanser. I cannot imagine what it could be, but let’s face it. Both sweeteners are some artificial chemical process and it stands to reason that, given the right circumstance, they might degrade back into their chemical components. It is nasty when it happens and it makes me feel duped like I THINK I am consuming something that tastes good, but really it is some horrible chemical experiment that makes my body think it tastes good when it really has the flavor of Drain-O. The things we do to conform to societal standards..

I am discouraged because I want to already be 25 pounds down. All I can do is keep on.