Day 12

Welcome to day 12! It is Saturday early evening and as of today, I met my fitness goals for the (last) week: Did three episodes of physical activity in the week (same as last week but more intense). I have been to the gym three times now which is a really really big step. I feel really jazzed up about it again and no longer feel panic when i think about going in there. I have to work at holding my head up proudly and not thinking about how I look like the out of shape fat chick on the treadmill. Instead, I am the pre-fit me in the early stages.

I have not stepped on the scale. On this blog I am going to be really blunt (if you know me in real life.. big surprise eh?) so.. bear that in mind :) I have been taking fiber supplements because this diet has not been conducive to... great regularity... but thus far my supplements have not worked. Until I get this junk out of me, I will NOT step on the scale! And that's that. I did order a cleanse product that should arrive next week. I also read some pretty disgusting and intense things on this site:

http://www.drnatura.com/colonix_program.php?utm_source=DT&utm_medium=AffiliateNetwork&utm_content=Primary&utm_campaign=Brand&bid=3&aid=CD4&opt=

NOT for the squeamish. TRUST ME ON THIS! and it has put the fear of god in me. I think I will try that product next so that I, too, can have aliens fly out of my @$$.

I have said before that the diet part of this plan has been the least challenge of all. I really have to force myself to eat enough calories. I wonder if my body doesn't need as many as I am trying to eat, but 1200 seems like a reasonable goal particularly if I am exercising regularly.

This morning I made a nice big egg while omelet with a very small amount of shredded sharp cheddar cheese (full fat), onions, garlic, collard greens and diced lean ham. (Sorry Riv..). I have only had two of my shakes so I am way below my calorie allotment. Josh and I are going out to hear some music tonight and I will allow myself a beer or a glass of wine. We will likely have a big salad for dinner.

I have to say that it has been great to have a partner who really supports me in this. He is eager to go to the gym with me and likes the things I cook.. and he is very thoughtful in trying not to tempt me to eat outside my allowable things. He is so supportive in every way and loves me exactly as I am right now and would love me if I never lost a single pound. That just makes me all the more eager to do well. I am a very very lucky woman. Even though Valentine's day is approaching and I actually have a sweetheart.. I have to say that every day is like Valentine's Day with Josh. He is loving and thoughtful and romantic and sweet and we tell each other how we feel daily. I can't overstate how grateful I am he is in my life.

So in other news, I have been buying all kinds of little things here and there to help along my process. My big plan has been to "plan to succeed". One reason I have gained so much weight is my lack of planning. I work a full day, get home late... have nothing easy to make for dinner... Carl's Jr. drive through it is. No fries for me, but ... well.... I can snitch a few of my kids fries and a few sips of their oreo milkshake right? Eating lunches out... Josh's and my favorite Tuesday lunch date: Chinese buffet for 5.49 at the Empire... it has all added up. So now i am Planning to Succeed. I never leave myself vulnerable to chance. I have shakes at work, home, and at Josh's house... I have my freezer stocked full of frozen entrees for something quick if i don't have the energy or ingredients to make a salad or something healthy. I will not allow myself to be caught unprepared.

One thing I purchased which is very odd.. are download-able subliminal albums. I ordered one for motivation to exercise and another about being thin for life. There was a free download for deep calm. There are four tracks per album of about 10 minutes of nature sounds... mostly the ocean or a babbling brook on a sunny day. Those sounds are very nurturing to me. I have been listening to them at work over and over again. Do they work? Well? Since i started that, I have been very gungho to get myself back into the gym and it is a strong compulsion. I'll tell you what. Even if it is simply a placebo effect, it was worth the $12 i spent on it. Coincidence or genuine, my days of being sedentary are done.

I also ordered a mini blender to keep at work for my shakes. I had been afraid the shakes would taste like powder water, but they don't. But just to see, i am right now sipping on a shake with the full 8 ounces of water plus some crushed ice and it is great. I can see throwing in a half a frozen banana into one before going to the gym before work.

Also ordered is a bar of MSM soap. Aside from being great for eczema (which I don't have..) it helps with skin firmness and the healing/preventing of stretch marks. After three not small babies.. ugh. I will say no more.

So all in all, it's all a success and I feel good. I would love to tell you I have dropped twenty pounds in 12 days, but I have not. Maybe when i clean the garbage out of my pipework I will see a large drop and if so, you can be sure you will be the first to know! Still.. I am going to keep on. If the weight doesn't come off, I will up the exercise and down the calories a little.

Lastly, one odd side effect of drinking SO MUCH water is that it leaves me actually feeling MORE thirsty than slaked. I actually feel more dehydrated and dry than had I only drank a few glasses of water. I wonder why that is?

My uber-gorgeous-skinny-blonde-friend-who-thinks-she-needs-to-lose-weight has been a great workout buddy and it has been fun catching up with her as we pound it out on the treadmills.

Hope everyone is feeling victorious and working toward their goals. What are your goals? How are you working to reach them? The first step is deciding you are finished with where you are at and decide to take the very first step away from what you don't want and toward what you do want. And don't underestimate what a HUGE step that is.