Day 37 - another pound lost and keeping on keeping on..

So it is Day 37 late at night and I should be sleeping. It's been a rough week mostly, but I am still on task. I have weighed myself two times and got a 160.2 reading. So I am very close to my mini goal of 15 pounds lost and off to get a really awesome set of solar nails put on. Maybe even with sparkly gold tips.

I am feeling a lot of mixed feelings. I mean.. WOW. 14 pounds in 37 days. That is GREAT. Right? And I am still really impatient and sulking because it wasn't 20 or 30. Whatever. But the real thing that is causing me the greatest conflict? Read on..

Used to be, if i gained or lost 5 pounds, that was a full pants size for me. I am really small and there aren't a lot of places for my weight to go. Now I have lost almost 15 pounds and I really do not think it is all that noticeable. My boyfriend diplomatically says he "notices some"... but i really don't think people can tell. And I just don't get that. How can I lose almost 15 pounds and nobody really be able to tell? Have i hit that place... that frumpy place where 10, 20 pounds... you still are that chunky girl.. maybe less chunky? Maybe more? But i am not used to losing 15 pounds and not dropping several sizes.

I tried on the size 10 jeans I had been wearing just months ago (I think?) and they still don't fit.

I do see changes in my face. I look in the mirror and I think "oh yeah... there I am..." Do you know what I mean? My face had gotten older and tired looking with the extra globular weight I had recently put on. I didn't recognize myself in pictures. Now I look in the mirror and I am beginning to see myself again.

I am not quitting. I have diversified my program to some degree. I have placed another Direct Diet order to include some pudding mixes that I hope I can make into shakes... simply because of flavor variety. I ordered some diet chocolate.

I bought some Kashi cereal with just as much fiber per cup as those All Bran nasty twigs... and i really like it! I am having one cup in the morning first thing with about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of unsweetened vanilla soy milk. I need fiber in my diet badly. I am also having a piece of fruit instead of a shake in the afternoon. Sometimes I have a frozen lunch entree and sometimes I just have a shake. Lately I have been getting a big salad at Market of Choice and eating half of it for lunch and the other half for dinner.

I notice that I eat more on weekends. I am still conscious of WHAT I eat and of portion control. I haven't been writing things down on weekends. I guess that is sort of my "cheat time" even though it really isn't cheating per se.

I have tried the diet high protein hot cocoa and I like it. It isn't nasty watery tasting like a lot of powder mixes. The variety is helping me stay interested. I am having to work really hard on keeping up my water intake. Today I had 76 ounces.

I have also been allowing myself a glass of wine more often than I ought to. I am not quite sure what to do about that. I am not super proud to admit this is hard for me to quit. In a perfect world, I would allow myself a glass of wine once a week as a treat, but it is becoming a daily thing again.

The weather is turning nicer again... it got up to 60 today in Eugene. I walked briskly to a lunch meeting (and had only water) and it felt really good. If only I could get myself back on a routine... I just cannot afford a treadmill right now but I know that if i had one in my room, I would be using it almost daily.

I like that my clothes feel better on me now. I am beginning to look slightly more narrow from the side. And someday soon, I will be able to break back out all the wonderful work clothes I have amassed and outgrown over the last several years.

So I am moving forward. I am still going. A vendor brought a box of really great cookies to the office yesterday and, while they sat directly in front of me, i wasn't even remotely tempted. When my head is in the game, I really am not tempted. I brought a whole bunch of them home for the family and I am not even slightly tempted to sneak one.

So I hope that the next time I post I will have a picture of me with stunning gold tipped nails to boast my 15 pound mark. I am really really wanting this. SO badly.

How is everyone else doing?