Day 42 and the HOWS

So I am feeling a little glum today for a variety of reasons (only partly because it is Monday and the first day of three that I won't see my bf at all after not really getting any time alone on our "two out of four days a month we have to ourselves". It's just the life of being conscientious single parents and it's all good, but still... I really need those four days a month.

So I am really struggling with the fact that my scale says I have lost 15 pounds and my brain (and to some degree my body) are telling me it is a lie. I honestly have concocted this belief that my scale has been able to consistantly and coincidentally lie to me that I have lost weight when I haven't. So I am a smart girl and I know that I have lost the weight. I know I have a ways to go. I just want to see my efforts already resulting in fitting back into my old jeans and not feeling UGH. I really really need to see a significant sudden drop pretty soon. It isn't as though I am going to quit, but sometimes when i see how hard I am working and how much I am sacrificing, I want to be back to the old me NOW.

The reality is that I am losing about a half pound or so a day. I have cut that many daily calories.

Oh that reminds me. I keep getting asked "how are you doing this?" I realize that not everyone is going to go back and re-read all of my blog posts, so in short.. I am doing a very low calorie diet that is high in protein and fiber and relatively low in carbs and fat. My initial goal was "EASY without a lot of thought and choices". I don't have much spare time and that spare time i do have i am pretty wiped out. I have what I consider to be a demanding job, do a lot of volunteer work in my industry, am a single primary custodial parent of three children (two teens and one preteen) and am in a serious relationship with a man who has two small chilren. Life is busy.

I have found that a lot of my bad decisions had been coming from lack of planning, last minute grab-its, and portion control, so I designed a diet based on portion controlled easy to grab meals that required nearly no thought and was relatively affordable. I have modified this diet as I have gone along based on what I feel my body/life/taste buds needs, but I started off basing my meal plan on Wonder Slim low calorie meal replacement shakes (they are 15 grams of protein and 100 calories and taste better than any other diet shake i have ever had). I was having a lean cuisine type frozen meal for lunch around 250 calories and a dinner of usually a big salad with lean protein, or lots of vegetables and a lean protein, OR (since I have felt run down a lot lately) homemade (fat skimmed) chicken broth soup with meat and vegetables.

Along the way, I realized I needed more fiber and fresh food in my plan, so i have been eating fewer shakes and more produce. I recently bought some Kashi go Lean cereal that has the same amount of dietary fiber as that nasty twiggy all bran and I eat one cup for breakfast with about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of unsweetened vanilla soy milk. I try to drink at least 72 ounces of water a day but try to hit upwards of 90-100. I haven't been hitting that lately.

Further along the way, I decided to try some other products to add variety to my diet from the same place I order my shakes (Diet Direct) and have some sugar free chocolate, protein bars, hi protein crunchy snacks, instant high protein soups, and hot cocoa. I use those items when I am feeling like I absolutely need SOMETHING DIFFERENT.. but really.. if i am feeling desperate for "real food" i just plan for it and eat it. Just like when I was in Weight Watchers and would say "no.. there is nothing that i can't eat.. I just have to plan for it".. it is the same now. Some things simply aren't worth it to me and I don't even bother, but last night, for example, I had one piece of real chocolate from a Hershey's Pot of Gold box for 50 calories and I enjoyed every small nibble I took from it. You can't do this long term if you are contantly in deprivation mode.

Also, I haven't been writing things down on the weekends. I mentally keep track and figure that i will probably reach the upper end of my calorie limit or even go over some, but I am so faithful during the week it is OK. By the way, "upper range or over" is closer to 1500 than any gargantuan number. Right now I am aiming for 800 to 1000 calories a day.. because i am four foot ten and my body needs drastic and not moderation.

So that is my plan. I eat as much fresh produce as I want because I think that is the healthy way to eat. If a bowl of steamed cauliflower puts me over my calorie limit, I don't care. I think my body is better for eating it than not.

So that is that. The good the bad and the ugly. I think tomorrow is time to step back on the scary scale again and see if I have made any number progress. I will report in as soon as I have. Meanwhile, I am trying to just stay on track and keep my brain negativity in check. I didn't put it all on in a month and I can't take it all off in a month either.

Back to work..

~S