Day Who Knows

i haven't weighed myself in many days. The last time I did, I showed a gain. The nexttime i showed a gain. the next time (same morning) I was showing what my last weight was. CRAZY MAKING.

I feel good about the level of "staying on plan" i have done. I am not seeming to be losing. I have had a few strenuous workouts (as in walking at full speed without running on treadmill) and maybe tht contributes to the lack of scale loss. I am trying to wear less and less baggy things. Today i am wearing one of my work wardrobe staples and I see a difference from the side.

I celebrated our one year anniversary with my partner Josh on Sunday and pretty much ate what i wanted. We shared a LARGE Ribeye, side of ribs, a salad, nd some broccoli. OH. and a "drink me" two fisted size Hef with extra lemon.

The downside of the meal was sheer caloric content and portions. The upside was that I was able to limit myself to one roll (Roadhouse hot rolls with honey butter. Could YOU resist?), a few small forksful of Josh's mac and cheese anda few of those nasty onion strings. the GOOD news (sort of) is that it was my only meal of the day.

I am convinced (or justifying) that you need to have a day like that interspersed with your diet plan or you won't be able to stay with it long term.

I wish 20 more pounds would just DROP OFF.. but it is just going to take a while.

Meanwhile, there is a gargantuan pile of butter, sugar and pastel food dye sitting within my olfactory senses (WHY do they put the sweets directly in front of me??!!) and i am not even tempted by this sweet pastel easter looking mass of ass-ness.

So on the weekend, I tried on my "pre-fat" jeans. The ones I haven't been able to wear in at least 6 months or so. I got them on and wore them all day. Now THESE ones leave the red surgical looking scar across my tummy, but dammit.. I got those pants ON. My other jeans that i judged my progress by how they fit each casual friday are actually loose in the waist now. "Don't stop Believing.."

I am dealing with, what seems like, chronic fatigue. I am now getting "sick" weekly with body aches, sore throat, utter exhuastion, and head aches. I don't know if the diet is causing this, releasing bd toxins, or if this is my new level of malaise.

What can I say? I have no choice but to keep on. I have some modification ideas that will involve an awful lot more effort than I am currently needing to use. I would like to start juicing in the morning again I eat 1/3 cup of bran buds and about 3/4 cup of Kashi Go Lean with 1/4 - 1/2 cup of unsweetened soy milk for thing inthe morning to cover my fiber needs.

A wonderful dear person who is reading this blog offered me her treadmill. YAY! I really think that will help for those days I just can't go to the gym (whihc is usually LOL).

So really nothing else to say except that I am here checking in. I am continuing to state my weight loss at 16 pounds. I continue to hope for at least anotehr 15 pound loss before my trip in April.

Sincerely,

S