Miss me? Cause you know if the pounds were melting off I couldn't keep my mouth shut right?
I hit the dreaded plateau. I haven't stepped on that lovely silver scale since the last time I blogged. Aside from my one year anniversary dinner with Josh, there have been all these "occasions" where I felt either the obligation or "right" to eat outside of my plan. I have hit a plateau and i was PISSED OFF about it.
This last month i was supposed to have dropped another 15 pounds, remember? DIDN'T. Maybe i even gained a few pounds back. I wouldn't know. I am not on speaking terms with my scale.
But you know what? SO THE EFF WHAT. I just decided that. Is my self worth based on whether or not I drop 30 pounds before my trip "back home"? HAYELL NO. Am I any less of a wonderful human being if I am not a lower weight than I feel I should be? No. Do my children love me and value me any less ? No. Does Josh love and desire me any less? A resounding NO. My worth is not based on a number on a scale. I am still eating my twiggy cereal for breakfast, having diet shakes, salads and lean cuisines for lunch and reasonable dinners. ahem... and some alcohol. I have darkened the door of my gym FIVE whole times i think. And I am proud of myself.
Wanna know what else? Those girdle-ish undergarments I always wear under my skirts an work clothes? I don't feel like I am compelled to wear them every single day. sometimes i don't' wear any at all and i am ok with that. And that is a really big step. I look thinner from the side. i see it. Some days my skirt zips up like greased lightening and other days it doesn't. But I believe i am making progress and I am choosing to be OK with that.
It's been a really intense week for me but that is for a different blog. Tonight I just need wine. It has been a low calorie day and my dinner is a big salad... and i am having two glasses of King Estates Pinot Gris. And i am enjoying every sip.
I am checking in to say I am a human being who doesn't always have a peppy positive thing to report. It has not been a successful month number wise. But in the month of March I celebrated: 7 years post divorce. 4 years at my job. 1 amazing wonderful blissful year with Josh. And those are the things that matter in life more than my waist.
That's all I got. Looking ahead.
~S
