I'm Not Fat Anymore

I am not fat anymore.  I am also not thin, but I am not fat.  This has been a pretty big mind adjustment.. still.  I am somewhere around 137 now and 7 ish pounds from my wedding goal.  I have more or less taken a break from "working hard at losing" and am more simply maintaining.  For me, it has always been about getting my head in the game and keeping momentum.  Once I am "there," I do well staying there, but once I step off the path, it is really hard to get back on.

I bought new clothes at Ross.. for the most part, a new wardrobe. I have new skirts, dresses, jeans, pajamas... I have clothes to wear that aren't hanging off me.  My size 10 jeans.. really pretty jeans.. are on the borderline of being slightly too big.  Yesterday, I wore a size 8 suit that I haven't worn since at least 2008 and maybe before that.  I removed about half or more of my clothing out of my closet for donation.

More strikingly than having lost this weight is my acceptance level of my current body.  This is not my ultimate goal and I have not been in the gym making things firm and fit... but I feel happy about where I am at and very accepting.  This is a new experience for me and possibly resulting from being so very overweight (for me) for close to a decade.  I do look forward to the next phase, but that hasn't negated my gratitude and acceptance for where I am at currently.

The biggest things that have changed in my life in the past five months since I embarked on this journey are that I can move again without a ton of exhaustion and fatigue.  It's amazing what almost 30 pounds off an under 5' body feels like.  I can put on clothes and feel OK about how they feel and look without the constant need to hide and cover. I am even OK with not having that look perfect.  And the stigma of being seen as a fat older chick is mostly lifted.  Movement, Acceptance, Relief.  That is how I would characterize where I am at right now.

My wedding is in under 50 days.  I can reasonably lose another 7 pounds if I make that my priority.  I'd still like to, mostly because I would like to say that reaching my goal was a priority and that I did it  (moreso than the actual number on the scale).  I am OK if I don't get there.  I think this has been successful either way.

Retiring Fat Clothes

It's really interesting.  Yesterday, I wore one of my wardrobe staples to work.  A narrow floor length skirt with a flowy short sleeve black top.  I wore that outfit once a week forever.  At dance class last night during warm up (in front of a mirror), I noticed how awful it looked.  I looked big and sack-ish.  When I went home to change into comfies, I saw in the mirror that this shirt, that has been one of my happy mainstays for a really long time, is something I am going to have to retire now.  It was bittersweet!!!!  I love this top. But it looks awful now because it is huge and baggy and it is NOT flattering.

My pile of clothes that are being retired is getting bigger.  It's an enigma.  I have a whole section of clothes I have not worn often because "It will look better if I'm a little smaller," but when i get smaller, they don't look good because they are too big on me and look like they are a size too big.  There has been great safety and comfort in my too-big clothes;  they were easy to hide in.  I am a little afraid to get rid of them.

I am not complaining.. it's just an interesting phenomenon.  Thankfully, I have a whole bunch of clothes from before I gained this recent past 7 years or so weight.. but they probably are no longer in style or really MY style anymore.  I guess we will see.  I am in my size 10 jeans which has been my gateway size between fat and not fat.  I am not going to see any loss for probably another week due to cycle, but the next chunk of loss is going to be a really big deal to me.  Last time I weighed and checked in my progress, I was just a little over 145 bringing me JUST BELOW a twenty pound loss.  But even moreso, I am getting closer to breaking out of the 140s.  Since 130 is my wedding goal, I can see a finish line in the distance.  The finish line of my weight loss 10K compared to the finish line of a weight loss marathon.

And to recap, I have lost 19.3 pounds in 74 days or 2 1/2 months or under two pounds a week. This is not rapid weight loss even though I am eating a very low calorie diet.  If I were eating at what I used to think was my TDEE -20% I would STILL not be losing any weight.  Right now, I am going with my gut on this, although I am not sure I think this is sustainable long term.

I am used to my calorie level and the amount of food I have grown used to eating. Most of the time, I don't feel 'dying of  hunger' although there are times I really really really want something different or a dessert. That said, last night, I had a compromise dinner.  Had a dinner meeting at a deli we really like and I chose a pastrami sandwich (the lesser fatty of the choices) on lettuce instead of the gluten free bun and a small side of very mayonaise-y cole slaw (I only ate half and i tried not to eat the goopy mayo sauce) and i ended up having very sharp pains in.. I am not sure what organ it is.. I am thinking my gall bladder.. that have not fully gone away.  Maybe eating something fatty after eating mostly lean proteins?  I am not sure.  I am a little concerned, but I will see how this goes.

Anyhow, postscipt:  I am going to need to buy some transitional clothes soon.  I might make a trip to a thrift store this weekend and go hunting.  It will be interesting to see how many wrong sizes I bring into the changing room before I figure out where I really am now.  My mind takes a while to catch up to the loss..

Slow Loss is Still Loss. Again.

Written 3-10-16

I don't know why my loss has slowed down so much.  It hardly seems scientifically possible, but here I am again. But the one thing I have learned over and over again (as i read back in this blog and recall my many years at MyFitnessPal) is that this is not the time to quit in righteous indignation.

It feels frustrating to fall from a 2# a week loss to less than 1#, (but not even consistently).  But over time, that 1# or so a week will add up compared to just stopping now in frustration.  I have 18 weeks until the day of my wedding.  If i lose 1# a week until then, I will be just below my (wedding) goal.  My plan was to get there by the end of April so that I'd have less pressure on me for the last two and half months, but I cannot control what I cannot control.

The truth is that, even though this is not where I would like to be right now, the progress I have made so far is monumental compared to where I have been.  I went from fat to overweight more or less.  At least in my personal definition which can be explained by:  Fat = only wearing clothes that completely hide all of my body.  Never wearing anything that shows my waist at all.  Overweight = Will occasionally wear something tucked in (but with a really wide decorative belt) and will wear shape fitting clothing that are flattering.  Still not happy with how I look, but so much happier than I was before.

I can probably start looking for a dress knowing it likely won't fit in four months and will need some alterations.  I think I will wait one more month though.

What I have changed:  I am not sticking closely to the PSMF. With that plan, I am supposed to be basically only eating my calories in the minimum level of protein grams to maintain my lean mass and no more.  I am also allowed "calorie free"vegetables and non carb non calorie condiments.  (All veggies have calories, so that is sort of silly, but I eat veggies to satiation and I love them anyhow).  What I AM eating is... trying to hit my protein macros (not always lean protein), (but need to reevaluate what that is now) and other things to go along with it, but trying to keep calories under a certain number.  When I eat about 200 calories under what I am now, I see more loss.  When I drink water consistently (at least 80 ounces a day), I see more loss.

I am also more active than I was.  I am not sure how calorically valuable the activity is, but I do know that being more active makes me feel better physically and mentally and that is valuable to me.  We are taking two types of dance classes each week for an hour each time. One of the classes isn't very exercisey, but there is a live dance afterwards which is. The second class is a lot more cardio-ish.  I don't believe cardio is valuable for weight loss or body re-composition, but it helps my mental health and general well-being.   Lately, I have done some workout on my Fridays that I work at home.  That has involved some weights and sometimes going on the treadmill on a steep incline but walking a normal pace (2.7-3.2 mph which is up to a brisk pace for me at my  height.  anything over 3.5 mph is almost running for me).

I know that i need to up my game weights wise and the frantic busy pace of our lives has precluded that.  I can make some decent body changes in 4 months if I am really focused on that.

So to date, I have lost 17.5 pounds since New Years, and to me that is a really decent change.  I am 2.5 pounds away from a 20# loss which will feel really rewarding.

The other thing I am working on is doing things to hopefully combat PCOS.  I bought both kinds of cinnamon and some gelatin capsules. Right now, I am taking the spendy Ceylon variety which is less toxic to the liver, but might not be as effective as the Cassia variety that is more toxic, but produces better results in clinical trials regarding blood sugar and insulin sensitivity.  I might toggle back and forth between them... I am currently TRYING to take about 1.5 mg per meal (twice a day).  I am also taking rhodiola in tincture form...trying to take it twice a day also.  I often forget to bring them with me though, so i am not as consistent as I could be.  I have not started investigating taking Metformin.  I have read about mixed results from that.  It might be worth a try.

(I didn't realized I hadn't posted this)

I am a Special Snowflake

I will beat this.  

I have spent the last two days reading other people's testimonies, stories, successes and failures surrounding PCOS and weight loss and, if absolutely nothing else, I feel so incredibly validated finally.

I cannot tell you the level of guilt and shame I have felt over the last 8 years or so (but really... going back to after my 16 year old was born..) trying to work on my weight and seeing little to no results no matter what I did.  You just know that people are sort of scrutinizing you in disbelief.  You are not REALLY weighing or measuring your food.  You are not accurately logging.  "OK, special snowflake, science and the law of physics don't apply to you."  I realize that not everyone that struggles with weight loss with PCOS is actually eating at a deficit and accurately measuring their food, but I was (most of the time).  I have told people for years that moderation does not work for me.  The only way I am able to lose weight is by drastic means.  Now I can finally get validation that it is true.  I am not crazy.  I am not being dishonest logging.  I am not underestimating my caloric intake (most of the time, but come on.. I'm human).  I am not lazy.

My next step, aside from staying on the path I am currently on, is trying additional things that might help with the PCOS symptoms (such as insulin resistance).  Many women with PCOS take Metformin and some of those women experience immediate stasis and lose a lot of weight right away, and some of those women had zero results.  Most had bad side effects.  I would rather not take Metformin, but I am willing to consider it for the short term,.

Ceylon Cinnamon is supposed to help with insulin sensitivity.  I have it in essential oil form and I also plan to buy some (ground) at the natural market to take in gel caps.  I am amassing a list of supplements that are supposed to help with PCOS (Chromium, Rhodiola, Holy Basil, Saw Palmetto)... not sure which of those I will try.

I will not quit.  I have hit the 15# loss mark and I am going to keep going.  Eventually, I will be willing to take a slower approach as long as I see consistent progress, but for now, I am still staying on the same path trying to get to my pre-wedding goal of 130# / 20 more pounds lost.  It is not an outlandish unreachable goal.

Science.

2-25-16  I haven't seen any movement on the scale for a week and a half.  Ok well that isn't totally true.  I showed a gain.  I have seen some of that gain diminish, but it hasn't gone back to what I was showing a week and a half ago.  At eating very very low calories with a few days of going higher (but still significantly under maintenance calories. By several hundred calories, even).  The body fat reading on my scale is showing a loss though, although I have no idea how much stock to put into that unless it consistently shows the loss.  My hydration reading is up. Same concept.

I feel very different.  I feel like I look very different.. but my progress pictures are subtle at best.

Still, I cling to the concept of science.  

Except for the whole PCOS thing.  I have sort of ignored this part of my health since it was mentioned to me in passing maybe 23 years ago with absolutely no instruction how to manage it, so I sort of dismissed it (after all, I somehow managed to get pregnant and have three children without medical intervention).  Now that I am reading about it, I see that my issues are sadly common... working really hard and seeing nearly no progress.  Having "Calories in/Calories out" really not add up to expected weight loss, having my TDEE* not match up to what the charts say it is supposed to be. Working super hard and ping ponging back and forth the same old 5 pounds with no real success.
(TDEE = Total Daily Energy Expenditure. This is your basal metabolic rate, for the most part, with your activity level factored in.  When you are tracking by your TDEE, you typically do not "eat back" your exercise calories as those are more or less already factored into your allowance.)

2-29-16  I am taking a LEAP of faith (see what I did there?  It's leap day.) that if I stay on this path, I will indeed see the changes I am working so hard for.  On Saturday, I had an "eff it" day and ate whatever I wanted including sugar, high salt, and custard.,  I still stayed under 1500 calories  so it wasn't like I binged, but it was very different than I'd been eating.  Woke up the next day and showed a 2 pound loss on the scale. WHATEVER.  Ate high carb/high salt yesterday simply because it was what had been prepared for everyone else and I didn't have the time to cook for myself.  Showed  a one pound gain from my lowest weight 2 weeks ago or so.

I am just not willing to give myself over to the panic "Oh no!  i can eat starvation level calories and still gain weight because of my effing warped health."  There HAS to be a way around it and I refuse to give in.  I insist that I will lose another 20 pounds before my wedding no matter what I have to do.  I am just not giving in.

I seem to do better weight loss wise when I drink a lot of water.  I don't think there is anything magical about water drinking aside from the fact I think I eat more salt than I should. some of my recent common food choices are high in sodium, and I retain fluid easily.  I simply think the water dilutes the salt and allows my body not to retain a ton of fluids.

Last Tuesday, we went to lift at the gym and I started the 5 x 5 program, but I don't think I read about it adequately. I just saw "Do these three exercises at these weights and reps" and did no warm up lifts and I pretty much killed my legs.  I hadn't done squats in pretty much years and I jumped right in with weighted squats.  I couldn't walk for days.  Like.. needed pain killers, couldn't walk.  Lesson learned because I could not go back to the gym on schedule.  I was in terrible pain.  Reset.

I read that people with PCOS tend to "need" far fewer calories than typical people.  By "need" I mean "won't burn off as many calories by simply existing".. so if a typical person my age/height/weight might have a TDEE of 1800 calories, mine might be 1200.  Which means that in order to lose weight, I have to eat less than that.  And I also read that if you have Insulin Resistance on top of the PCOS, it might be even lower.  So this means when I eat at an anorexic level of calories and people freak out and unfriend me on My  Fitness Pal, I am still only losing (at best) 2 pounds a week at very very low calories.  Don't hate on me.  I'd love to eat 1800 calories and still lose weight.  It isn't happening for me and I've been trying for a very long time.  When I say I only lose when I do drastic, just believe me, ok?  You can trust that I love food and I'd really like to be eating more of it.

It's Never Too Late.. And I Never Gave Up

Even though I abandoned this blog sometime ago, I have continued to log almost daily on MyFitnesspal.com the entire time (minus a few off periods of a few months, once up to 6 months). I have tried many different things. I learned (from very dogmatic adherents) that a moderate calorie cut was best (no more than 20% from your Total Daily Energy Expenditure) and that I should eat 'sufficient calories' and 'adequate protein'. I became proficient weighing and measuring everything and begin strength training three times a week. At best, I got to the point where I was losing 1/2 pound a week but not consistently. I blamed myself. I must be underestimating portions. I must be doing something wrong. I must have forgotten to log something I ate. I would like to say that, while all of the time I've been on MyFitnessPal my efforts were not perfect, I have been trying for years in a moderate fashion and,aside from passing back and forth the same 5-7 pounds, I got nowhere. I had many "friends" on MFP that would have unfriended me had I dropped my calories below a certain point.

I am sort of finished justifying things, apologizing, giving data to support my perspective, etc. I am doing a plan that, so far is consistently working, and I am going to do it until I hit a pre-determined weight (or date whichever comes first) and then I am going to back off some and go to a more moderate approach.

I am really tired of being fat.

A few years ago, I googled "how to lose 20 pounds fast" (or some such thing) and came across Lyle McDonald and his book on a very low calorie diet (VLCD) referred to as a Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF) . In this book, he repeatedly mentions that this is not in any way the ideal way to lose weight, but that he know people are going to crash diet anyhow and, if you are going to do that, this is the scientifically best way to do that without losing your lean body mass and your health. Challenge accepted. I did a very modified version of that diet back in 2009 and (I didn't have a scale at that time), I dropped at least one clothing size and looked good in a short period of time. I didn't maintain the general principles and, of course, I gained the weight back.

I am getting married this summer. I have been forlorn with the fact that I have been utterly unsuccessful in losing the weight I hoped to before my wedding, so I revisited the PSMF. I'd say that I am still more or less doing a modified version of it (mostly because I am doing it longer than a few weeks and I need to keep myself interested and engaged), but the results, finally, have been encouraging.

The plan, in a nutshell, puts you into a fast, eating only as much protein as will maintain your lean body mass during your loss. The idea is that, unless you eat adequate protein, when you lose weight, some of it will be fat, some will be water, and some will be lean tissue. This method aims to keep (as much of)your muscle (as you can) while you lose weight. There are calculations to determine how many grams of protein a person needs to eat in a day based on things like age, weight, and body fat percentage. So you are more eating your protein grams than eating calories. In its purest form, people on this plan only eat lean protein and non starchy vegetables and some fat free dairy. And it isn't very many calories.

Most people on this diet lose a lot of weight fast. I have been losing an average of 2 pounds a week at almost a 1,000 calorie a day deficit. Two pounds a week falls within the supposed "healthy range" of weight loss even if the number of calories I am eating does not which is confusing to me and says a lot. I am going to go out on a limb and say that maybe my TDEE is much much lower than the average person and I am not supposed to be eating 1500 calories a day of "adequate calories at a moderate cut." Or maybe there is something wrong with me. I don't know. I just don't like failing when I try so very hard. So this is what I am doing.

I decided to revive this blog because I wanted a place where I could document what I am doing and how it is going and it seemed silly to start a brand new blog. Anyone who is reading a weight loss blog probably has been down this same road. Started, SO EXCITED!, Doing ok! Doing less OK! Fades off, gains weight back, slinks back in with shame. Starts over.

I started a Very Low Calorie Diet on December 30th and I started the PSMF on January 6th. To date, I have lost about 11 1/2 pounds. I am taking progress pictures regularly both clothed and in a "bikini." The first set of comparison pictures was spectacular. I was blown away with the drastic change. Since then, the changes are more subtle. I am sure if I take a picture at the 2 month mark and compare it, it will again be dramatic.

The lesson I learned from re-reading my entire blog was that I give up and quit too early every single time. Seriously EVERY SINGLE TIME. I get angry, impatient, resentful, and full of self pity if I don't see consistent results that I feel are in line with the amount of effort I am putting in. So my justification is, "If i am working this hard with nearly zero results, why am I doing this? Why not just eat what I want to?" No. Not quitting. I am staying with this at least until the end of April or when I hit 130 pounds which is at the very maximum I am supposed to be for a healthy weight (101-131).

No Room For Shame

I rediscovered this blog when old posts have started popping up on the "Memory" feature on Facebook. I re-read this entire blog in one sitting and had very strong feelings resulting from that.

I came away with a combination of embarrassment, regret, and all sorts of other things. When I first started this blog, I was SO HYPED UP to FINALLY succeed and, once and for all, get all of this (then) fairly recent large weight gain OFF FOR GOOD. And I followed my path of abandoning it during a very difficult time, restarting it many times but never quite catching the fever I had at the beginning. And that was five years ago. FIVE.

I spent some time ruminating over all of this trying to determine what i could glean from this whole experience. I think that the overwhelming lesson I learned by reading and looking back on all the other times I have come back to this over and over again since then is I JUST CANNOT QUIT. The recurring theme was I would work super hard, put 100% effort into it (more or less), expect gargantuan results because of the sort of results I witnessed other people having, getting very much less than gargantuan results, getting discouraged, angry, and resentful, and fading off. If I had kept on back then, if I had only lost 1 pound a month, I would be 60 pounds less right now. Or so. And I read myself saying things like that when I picked it back up again and started over. Again. And again. And again.

I have had several other "I am really serious now, guys!" moments since I stopped writing in this blog. I had considered reviving this, but I had been embarrassed by the methods and "bro science" ideology I embraced and I didn't want other people to read that. But I am back. Again. And I am doing things every bit as drastic as I did in the beginning five years ago. Maybe even more so. This time, I am more or less emulating a science based plan written by Lyle MacDonald that isn't meant to be long term. I will go into what I am doing, why and how, and what my goals and plans are in my next entry. This is just about me slinking back in here. Embarrassed... scared (because I am back in that hyper devoted mode as I was at the beginning of this and I am afraid ... terrified.. that Five years in the future me will come back and still be overweight having not succeeded or having gained it all back. i just can't can't can't.

Keeping on..

I now have a weight loss buddy. This helps to have someone to commiserate with . Saturday I showed a .8 pound loss. I also took all of my measurements. I also was somehow able to work in the garden two days in a row for about 8.5 hours total.. and I am not dying today or totally lacking energy. Could my health on the way up? I am fighting feeling like "Wow. Seven point whatever pounds? After a month? Really? Yippee.".. but I remember very well that even at such a slow pace, if I keep at it, in 6 months it will be all gone. So i continue..

Slow Loss is Nonetheless Loss

I braved the scale today. I am tired of cowering away from that stupid bully anyhow. This morning I actually showed a loss. A 1.6 pound loss. Meh. Fine. I went to enter it onto my weight loss progression log (read: yellow legal pad with numbers scrawled on it) and tallied up the actual total loss which ends up being 6.4 pounds. Meh. Then i realized that, despite believing I have been at this aggressively for pretty much an eternity, it has actually been one month. One month! So I lost 6.4 pounds in a month. In weight watcher world (in my past), that was normal for me. I also discovered that I have lost 3.5 inches in my waist during this time as well (the only measurement I took). So instead of whining that I am not losing any weight no matter how diligently I have stuck to my plan, instead I will say that I am experiencing slow but progressive weight loss. And as puny as that feels, All I have to do is remember that, had I kept this up and managed to lose 1.5 pounds a week since last February when I began this, I would have lost 78 pounds which is far more than I needed to lose. But NO. I had to see big giant changes at once or I just wasn't interested. Lesson learned. So I am still embarking on a no-name lower carb plan. I have been attempting to keep track of everything I eat via http://www.myfitnesspal.com which is a phenomenal tracking system. It even motivates me by saying "If you continue to eat this way, you will weight X pounds in 5 weeks." I like that. My challenge is always keeping track, particularly when I am no longer sitting in front of my computer at work. I am trying to lower my dairy consumption. I am not a huge dairy fan to begin with and I am thinking the fat i consume in the dairy products will be better served with coconut fat. I have been trying to eat fewer of the 'lower carb shakes add a little frozen fruit and half and half'. I am trying to use that resource when desperate. I still eat as many vegetables as I want. I still think it is insane to limit vegetables to see a quicker weight loss even though I know of someone who this has worked tremendously for and i respect her success 100%. One cannot argue with a 115 pound weight loss! Still, I cannot fathom a world without tons of vegetables regularly. Obviously I want this to move faster. I have decided I really am not willing to give up that nightly or every other night glass of red wine, so I will have to cut back on a different item instead. I am hoping that my health will continue to improve so that i can increase my activity without it making me more ill. I really would like to lose 40 pounds faster than 6 months. I would like to lose it in 3 months. Would I be willing to do a plan I don't love in order to get there? Food for thought. So to speak.

Scailure

.. is what I am going to call it when the scale shows I am actually GAINING weight now.

Yeah.. I am a bit depressed.

I can think of a few things that are probably going wrong. I have a habit of mixing up plans and forgetting that an item on one plan can sabotage another. Or maybe my body just needs some time to give up the fat ghost. I don't know.

I am doing low carb. I haven't been counting my carbs, calories, fat grams, points or anything. My body is very unforgiving and always has been even before kids and before 40. I have had a glass of red wine when I get home from work last few days. I said I was going to cut that item out, but we have been under some duress and I am coping with the sadness of losing a good friend to cancer (or the treatment of cancer, I should say). I also have persisted in adding tart cherries to my night time shake which should be around 4-5 carbs probably.

I have been having a low carb high protein shake at 10 am with water plus half and half or coconut milk. At lunch i typically eat vegetables (large plate of steamed kale and bok choy, spinach or a salad of red cabbage with sesame oil) plus some Lite Toby's tofu pate' or another protein (slices of organic turkey breast etc). I have another shake around 3 if i am hungry. If snacky, I have had some "sea snacks".. roasted nori with sea salt and a little olive oil. Calories and fat and carbs are negligible.. but it fills the salty savory snack need.

Dinner is usually a large portion of the vegetable du soir plus protein. Come to think of it, last night I had leftovers Josh brought home from a lunch meeting and there was a breaded protein in there.. hmmmmm.

Finally, I enjoy a dessert of a low carb shake blended with water, half and half and the 1/4 cup of frozen tart cherries and usually share it with Josh.

Sometimes there is more fat than other times in my diet, and other times, it is leaner. I am not counting fat right now. I do find that keeping fat in the diet keeps me more satisfied and less snacky throughout the day. My issues seems to be the cutting of corners like last night's whoops and the nightly glass of red wine (which seems to have about 4 grams of carbs on average per 5 ounces). A rough estimate is showing about 30 grams of carbs (not including vegetables and trace carbs in other low carb items). My shakes have 7 grams of carbs in them. Maybe that is too high for a low carb diet?

Seriously.. this is not a fat hatred thing and I am not looking to be skinny and lithe. If i took off the 30 or so pounds I have put on in the last several years, I would be so much happier and healthier. I can re evaluate then.

Who exactly am I pleading with here?..

Just Keep Swimming..

I haven't weighed myself in a while. The last several times I weighed myself, my weight remained at around the 5 pound lost mark. Josh thinks I should weigh myself about once a month so that I don't become a slave to the scale and a number progression.

I have two fears. I mostly fear that I won't lose weight and won't know I am not losing weight and I will lose precious time in changing up what I should be doing. I am also afraid that I will weigh myself and keep trying harder and not lose and then do what I typically do: "Well if I am trying so hard and not even losing, why am I doing this?" .. go off plan..and gain weight. I HAVE TO promise myself to stay on track no matter what.

I feel lighter around the middle regardless.

My first goal is simply to stay put on plan and not waiver. My second goal is to lose 20 pounds from where I am now. That was the weight I remember being when I began working with a trainer at the gym.. when i could NOT believe I had hit that weight mark.. that I had gotten so fat. That is a landmark for me, because even though i wasn't happy at that weight, I looked SO much better then and I have a lot of clothes i could be wearing right now. That was about 3 years ago.

My next goal is 20 pounds from THAT place. That is around the weight I was during a lot of my single years. I looked decent.. again.. I have a lot of nice clothes from that period of time and it was a weight I think I could be relatively happy with.

.. and if I want to continue on.. my next goal would be 10-15 pounds from that place. That is the weight I was at after doing a juice fast and also the weight I was at when I got divorced. I think I could wear a size 6 jeans then and look good in them. Anything below that mark will be "pre second kid" weight and at my age.. I am really not sure i can or even want to get that low again. Josh doesn't like skinny anyhow.. and I am a bit worried I might look older at that size. Then again.. if i get that low.. I can see myself wanting to see if i can hit my ultimate goal. My weight range for my height is about 95 pounds to 120 or so. 107.5 is the midrange of that and about what I was before and after I had my oldest child.

Meanwhile I am so very far from that number right now that it feels like a gigantic impossibility. Why can't I just lose a giant chunk right now and get all amped up with motivation? What do i need to do differently??

I am still doing a lowish carb plan. I am probably eating more carbs than I ought to. Sometimes.. like once every three days or so.. I will put frozen tart cherries into my low carb shake. While Dukan calls for nonfat dairy, I am going with the higher fat dairy products and aiming to keep the carbs low. I am still trying to eat a lot of veggies with lean protein. I am back to using those shakes 1-3 times a day. I have had a glass of wine maybe once every other day to every day. That probably should stop.

I am afraid to exercise. My energy level is SO LOW all the time.. chronically low.. and has been for at least a year. Getting on the treadmill.. taking a walk.. all those things I fear will sap me of whatever energy i had left to get through the day and set me back days in health. Hating that.

So just checking in. Aside from 2 days of eating Passover foods (I had some matzo and some dessert for two days), I have stayed on plan and that is something to be pleased with. Please OH please gods of the scale and thighs.. please let me show a several pound loss next time so that i have some sort of victory to hang my hat on. If not, then I will have to reevaluate and decide what I need to change.

How is everyone else doing?

5 pounds is a start

I have been at this for 11 days. I saw a 5 pound drop in three days, but I viewed it skeptically. This isn't my first rodeo. Today, 11 days from the start, I am showing a 5.4 pound loss. I got weighed at the doctor's office today and I was able to compare it against the last time I was weighed there. 4.6 pound difference clothed and after lunch.

I am doing a low carb plan.. that seems to work the best for me. I am not doing atkins and I am not doing dukan. I am trying to take what I like about both and make it fit my life. Atkins was too much calories and fat (eat all the bacon you want!) and Dukan was too few vegetables (only every other day after 1 week with nothing but protein. That is not sustainable for me).

When i am dying for something sweet, I make one of my protein shakes I have talked endlessly about (they now come in aspertame-free).. and when I need something rich, I might add half and half instead of water or low calorie/low carb/low fat coconut milk.

I have thrown a half frozen banana or a few frozen tart cherries in there. I think both low carb plans disallow any fruit. If i stop losing, I will be more careful. As it is, I have done that maybe three times. It is hard to imagine a few cherries stalling weight loss.

I am also not doing the oat bran (Dukan) because it is relatively low in fiber and I would rather get my fiber from leafy greens and other veggies.

My health has not been good lately. I have had some serious pain and fatigue issues. I am trying to walk to the organic local grocery store at least twice a week at lunch time (about a 15-20 minute round trip walk) and hoping i will be able to tolerate exercise without sapping my body of energy.

No ra ra ra from me at this point. How many different diet plans have i started in the last year?? When I hit a 20 pound loss, I will become ecstatic and hope filled. I am SO tired of being at this weight. I am looking forward to seeing the real me again.

All I Can Do Is Look Ahead. What Other Choice Do I Have??

I can cry, whine, complain, bemoan my failures, but all I can do is push forward. What are my other options? I can't continue as I am. My health is falling apart.

I have been trying to follow a low carb diet the last three days. I have been mostly successful and I am pleased with how it has gone. I have to wait until payday to fill my fridge with things I can eat easily, so for now, I am having to scrounge for things that are OK. I am not writing anything down as of now. I feel good that I have something I am working toward and that I have three days behind me.

All I can do is hope and plan for this time to be the time I actually succeed. I have seen that I do really well and can be faithful and dedicated, but that I don't stick with it long enough to see serious results. Last year at this time I lost 15 pounds but then went on a trip and never went back on the plan. It took a while before i started gaining weight back,but obviously I eventually put it all back on.

I really have no idea what plan I should be on long term. I have a friend that lost 115 pounds on Dukan. I have another friend who lost 85 pounds by using a nutritionist-based diet plan. I like eating organic plant based foods. I like eating low carb. I like the idea of eating anything I want but counting points. But I need to pick a plan and go with it. Right now, I am doing low carb. One day at a time. Maybe i will weigh myself tomorrow for kicks. I just need to stay on this plan and plug along even if i see 1/2 pound loss every other week. Had i done it that way last year, I would be at or close to my goal right now, slow or not. I'd be there.

Anyone on this train with me? I so much appreciate all the camaraderie and like minded empathy. This is freaking hard. But what other choice do I have???

When is Enough Enough?

Seriously. When IS enough enough? I cannot tell the number of times I have thought to come and blog.. to say "HEY! I am trying again!".. to say "I am trying YET again.." to say "I am tired of trying and not succeeding"... it is really humiliating. I am a person used to succeeding when I put my mind to something and this is one thing I simply have not been able to conquer this time around.. or these last several years. Maybe I am just giving up too soon? Maybe the things I have done in the past no longer work? I know that there have been times I have given it a 200% effort and have been nearly immaculate in my adherence to a plan and seen little or no loss. After 2 weeks on a drastic plan and seeing less than a pound loss, why continue? I get pissed off and quit in righteous indignation. And then I gain weight.

This is not a post laden with optimism and renewed vigor. This is me saying that I cannot bear to continue trying fruitlessly AND my body has begun telling me over and over again that it cannot continue to sustain my health.. maybe even my LIFE.. at this weight. One by one, things are breaking down in my body. At 4'10", i have less tolerance for excess weight than those much taller than me. At my estimation, I need to lose one third of my body weight right now. Just typing that out makes me want to cry.. or go home and climb under the covers and hide.

1/3 of me needs to go.

Can you even imagine how daunting that feels? I don't even want to TRY. And yet, right now, i am convinced if i don't, I will die. Maybe not DIE die.. but i will lose good health. I will likely see each of my body systems fail.

I just want to crawl in a hole and cry cry cry.

This is not just about vanity, but believe me there is plenty of that. I am plenty vain. I have a fridge magnet that reads "I am only superficial on the outside". This is about me living... how about thriving??

I do not know what to do. I have hit that place where I just do not know where to go or how to get where I need to go... and yet I know if i don't, I will not continue on. Rock bottom?

If someone would just give me a solid plan. "If you do AB and C, then you will arrive at Z" I can do that. Tell me what will work and I can do it. It is the try try try and see little to nothing no matter how rigidly i stay on plan that makes me just quit.

What needs to go in my life in order to make this a top priority?

What the hell week am I on anyhow?

I can’t remember the last number I had posted. I have started two or three new posts and have lost them, so here goes my third try.

At last weigh in, I had lost a total of 7.8 pounds. Since then, I had my son’s birthday Chinese buffet dinner (where I tried to stay as close to plan as possible, but.. ) and my company Holiday dinner (I deliberately chose to go off plan “within reason”.. I indulged more than I had planned to). It has been VERY difficult getting back and staying back on plan since then. I have been craving heavy foods constantly and once you dip your toe in compromise, it becomes easier and easier to justify. I am really TRYING to stay on plan and, for the most part, I have been successful. My biggest downfall has been that I have stopped writing everything down and I need to begin doing that again. I have begun adding some frozen fruit to some of my shakes and one or two shakes per day, I allow either low calorie coconut milk (not the canned kind, but the kind in the soy milk/rice milk/almond milk category) which is about 50 calories per cup OR I blend in ¼ cup of low fat cottage cheese into the shake. I have no idea how that has played out calorie wise.

This morning I did force myself to weigh in and I had gained 1.6 pounds from the last time I had weighed. I think this is reasonable considering the two dinners out and the one dinner at someone’s house AND this being my hormonal “week before”.

So my current goal is to start writing every little thing down again and stop guessing and hoping I am within my range.

My best motivation is looking at pictures of myself even two years ago (when I was horrified about how much weight I had gained but was still much smaller than I am now) and renewing my commitment to stay on track.

I have to say I HAVE noticed a marked difference between the Aspertame shakes and the Sucralose shakes. I feel like crap when I drink the former and fine when I drink latter. Aspertame consistently gives me headaches and I get a weird sensation on the roof of my mouth. I have always gotten that from aspartame. Plus, I am currently consuming a shake and occasionally I am getting these horrible tasting crystals that taste like a chemical cleanser. I cannot imagine what it could be, but let’s face it. Both sweeteners are some artificial chemical process and it stands to reason that, given the right circumstance, they might degrade back into their chemical components. It is nasty when it happens and it makes me feel duped like I THINK I am consuming something that tastes good, but really it is some horrible chemical experiment that makes my body think it tastes good when it really has the flavor of Drain-O. The things we do to conform to societal standards..

I am discouraged because I want to already be 25 pounds down. All I can do is keep on.

Famished

Last night I hit “famished”. It wasn’t too horribly bad.. but a good dinner didn’t satisfy me and left me hungry later. For dinner I had baked winter squash, fresh brussel sprouts and catfish nuggets cooked without fat, simmered in some water , drained, and then finished with a small sprinkling of corn meal, shredded coconut and drizzled with some lite coconut milk (simmered). It was very nice! I ended up making a later night diet shake with ( a diet shake mix and) a frozen banana and ¼ cup of cottage cheese blended. It was VERY filling and satisfying. I also ate about ¼ cup of the cottage cheese (additionally) on its own. I began today with hunger pains and feeling hungry earlier than usual.

My new shakes arrived this morning and, due to my gnawing hunger, I have been able to try two of the new flavors. The flavors are REALLY good, but I have to say I am not super impressed with Sucralose over Aspertame. We’ll see if it gives me nasty headaches also. So my solution today is to have a shake when I am hungry. I will have a nice big salad at lunch and hopefully a nice filling healthy dinner. If I allow myself to get super hungry, I am going to topple over and I want to avoid that even if I go over my caloric allowance by a bit for a day or two. Remember that I had been expecting a few days of ravishing hunger following a few days of not eating many calories last week.

I have chosen not to weigh myself since Sunday.

Due to interfering life and lack of an established routine, I have still not gotten on my treadmill. I am going to have to find a way to make it part of my daily life somehow while still feeling like I get SOME down-time before the lights go off. I USED TO get up at 5:30 and go to the gym twice a week before work. I should be able to do this.

I need to be patient and let things work. It WILL work if I stick with it and don’t quit. This time around, I really really do not want to fail no matter what happens in life. I am hoping the people in my life will encourage me and spur me onward even when I start making excuses or resting on laurels of recent loss.

I am trying to plan for the upcoming holiday season. This Saturday is my office Holiday party at a local chic Italian restaurant. I am trying to anticipate how to handle it.. avoid bread and pasta (at an Italian restaurant.. oy).. maybe allow myself to lightly sample appetizers and avoid dessert. Since I am not drinking, that cuts out calories tremendously. I have thought through allowing myself a modified meal off plan for upcoming events with limits. One night of maybe 3 latkes.. and then be done with it. One meal of a compromised special dinner with limits.. and be done. I know how to make things work.. I ask for extra vegetables in substitution for the starch.. I choose the healthier protein option that is not drenched in cream and cheese.. I avoid the bread basket or allow myself a small nibble and be done with it.. etc. If my mind is determined, I can do it. If I can vow to do twice the exercise for each modified meal, I can probably counterbalance.

The key is to acknowledge that I am not being “ripped off” or missing out on anything. This is a choice I am making to be happier with my skin suit and my health. I can try Josh’s dessert, taste it, and be done. I am doing something much better for myself by working hard at this NOW so that my life can feel more enjoyable to me in the future. I do NOT like existing in a fog of shame and regret.

Meanwhile, the season for coworkers fattening each other up with shared goodies has begun. My desk is situated so that most of the goodies are placed directly in front of me. Today, there is a tub of caramel toffee scones sitting in front of me. I am handling it fine, but I let everyone know that I will probably relocate the goody location to another spot in the office from this point forward. I only have so much willpower!

So I am considering this period of time sort of “coasting”.. just doin’ the stuff and waiting for noticeable results. When clothes begin to fit me better and ultimately when I can begin wearing clothes that have been on hiatus for some time.. I will be a lot more encouraged. Until then, the scale is my barometer, unfortunately.

I have REALLY appreciated and enjoyed the feedback/encouragement/notes I have been getting more than anything else. Please keep commenting and writing.. follow the blog.. let me know how you are doing etc. I cannot tell you enough how much it has and does sustain me and prod me onward.

Enjoy today..

Peeking out from behind the "Meh": Beginning of Week 2

Yesterday marked one full calendar week from the day I weighed myself and spun out into despair over the reality of the fact I totally undid all the hard work I had done last Winter.

Yesterday morning I weighed 6.4 pounds less than I did a week ago. I don't really care if that weight was water, fat, heart tissue, or alien implants.. I am simply happy that it is gone and that I have tangible proof that what I am doing is having any sort of impact at all. And if you doubt the relief of losing water you have been retaining, you are likely not a woman with intact reproductive organs.

This past weekend, I didn't really write things down and keep track.. I just continued on with what I had been doing. I will re-create it and do it today just to see where I ended up. I don't want to do that very often, because I find that we tend to underestimate and under report what we eat. That said, I ate a big elaborate salad for one of my two "real food" meals both days and yesterday my love made me an egg white omelet cooked with very little fat and lots of veggies with just a bit of grated cheese for flavor. I haven't been doing well with water. My plan is to do what I had done before and make a big container of water flavored with citrus, a few berries and slices of cucumber.. like you enjoy in the lobbies of good hotels.

I am blasting through the leftovers of the shakes and pudding mixes I had last go around trying to keep things interesting. I have been using the pudding mixes as shakes by just adding more water. That only works if you add things to it including splenda otherwise it is icky. I had a caramel pudding blended into a shake with a frozen banana on Saturday and it was really good.

My splenda-based shakes will arrive on Wednesday. I have been having around 3 shakes a day plus two produce and lean protein based meals. I am aiming to remain at or below 29 Weight Watcher points plus points and at or under 1200 calories per day.

The person whose plan I follow (loosely) eats 9 meals a day with the goal to keep her metabolism up. She has 7 shakes a day and two meals at around 250 calories each. I have been having 3 shakes that often are made with 1.5 packets of the shake mix for a bigger shake. I might try her plan just for size. So to speak.

I feel pretty stable in terms of being on track with the diet plan. Next step is getting my exercise routine in place as routine. Rockstar Treadmill has been set up and I have looked upon it lovingly but have not mounted and conquered it yet. My goal is to start this evening.

My hope is to see a total of at least 10 pounds lost by next Sunday. I am hoping that adding exercise will help make that probable.

One more thing I am trying to focus on right now is to dress as though I am already beginning to look like myself again. Do you tend to dress the way you feel? I looked in the mirror at myself this weekend.. dressed in a coffee-stained oversized white man's T shirt and jeans.. no makeup with hair up in a frazzled messy ponytail.. and I thought about how much my partner must love me. So last night at seven PM.. I did my makeup and hair and put on a cute colorful outfit and greeted him like we were going out on a date. Score! I am going to begin trying to dress as though I was already approaching my goal weight (not in clothes several sizes too small!) but as though I was happy with how I look and not trying to hide.

I Hate Aspertame

Day 4 Thursday

I really do not like Aspertame. It isn’t because I like sugar and it isn’t sweet enough. Au contraire. I just hate the cardboard-ish way it tastes and the crappy way it makes me feel. It is not meant to be consumed.. I know this instinctively. I am really eager for my shakes (sans Aspertame) to arrive.. but they aren’t expected until next Friday. Not sure what I am going to do since I am going to have LONG run out of shake packets before then. I guess I am going to have to find an interim plan until they arrive. And, by the way, those shakes contain Sucralose.. and I realize that is merely the lesser of two evils.

Right now I am “enjoying” a mocha cream shake with three floating frozen strawberries (serving as flavorful ice cubes) and a dash of Frontier brand Raspberry flavoring. So a chilled Raspberry mocha if you will. Won’t you? No?

Really. These shakes are SO much better than they could be. The best I have tried so far.. and they are only 100 calories per envelope. I tend to make a 12 ounce shake using 1.5 envelopes. Sometimes at night, I will make a vanilla based one with some frozen fruit. I did buy a mini blender to keep at work, but I keep forgetting to bring it.. plus I have no ICE.

On the new WW plan, fruit is “free”, but I am still keeping track and eating it sparingly. They have made it “free” because “nobody is at WW for abusing apples” .. but fruit is still calorie rich and I am one who likes to eat a lot of veggies anyhow. I think they are trying to encourage people to eat fruit instead of low or zero point no nutrition foods like fat free pretzels etc.

Day 4 found me at just under my weight watcher point limit and at under 1050 calories. I did not tally it up until this (Friday) morning and simply ate to satiation mindfully. Usually when I eat “low” for a few days, I have a day or two of feeling positively famished, so I am anticipating that this weekend. I chose not to weigh myself this morning (Friday) because I was afraid of seeing the pound loss go away.

Treadmill not set up yet, so no exercise started.

Feeling less “meh”.. more in control.. knowing that I will feel significantly lighter within a week. Just plugging along.

Combatting Shame

Wednesday (Day 3)

I am not sure how, but I am nearly back to my starting weight from when I began the journey last February. Well.. “how” is because I stopped trying and then Unbridled Thanksgiving happened. I cannot even begin to state how exasperated I am to have to start over instead of, had I even moderately attempted to stay on some sort of plan, I would be finished by now. I am also really embarrassed that I “failed”. I think that is the hardest part for me.. that I embarked on this journey.. I publicized it.. made a big deal about it.. then I failed.

Granted a lot of life happened in the interim, but everyone has stuff going on in their lives. Boo hoo.. ya know?

So anyhow.. I am humbly back.. embarrassed, bloated, discouraged.. bla bla bla.

I spent some time yesterday re-reading old blogs I posted hearing how encouraged I was.. how happy I was to lose that 16 pounds.. how dedicated I was. I revisited the Impatient Dieter’s site to get re-inspired by her modest effort-mammoth results and I regrouped my mindset. I have had three successful days now. We bought a really decent treadmill last night and as soon as it is set up, it will become my intimate companion. I have ideas. I placed an order for the replacement shakes (now without aspartame!) and have been mindful about my eating choices. I have even researched the new-ish Weight Watchers plan and am keeping two counters: calories and points trying to stay on track with both. Why am I doing that? I am not sure.. because I know that WW has worked for me in the way past.. because I feel that if I had, at the least, stuck to slow-moving Weight Watchers, I would have at least lost about a pound a week in the past 24 weeks.. and because I am not fully certain I WON’T decide to simply do WW. I don’t know.

Thursday (Day 4)

Yesterday was a meh day and I ate probably half of what I should have. This am showed a loss of about 3 pounds from the day before and 4.6 pounds from when I weighed on Sunday afternoon. I am under no illusion this is anything more than water and I am fine with that. I am not even excited, to be honest! Meh.

I am back to meal replacements this week (about 3 a day) with produce/lean protein meals (two a day). While I did place a new order for aspartame-free shakes, the ones I had leftover from before are riddled with the crap and I am having nonstop pounding torturous headaches. The good thing is that, even though I am not “feeling it” in terms of “wahoo.. I am on track! Doing the weight loss thing!”.. I AM, nonetheless, doing it. When some results catch up with me, I will begin to feel it.

I stopped drinking (alcohol)back in early September, so that will be a significant advantage this time around. Once our rockstar treadmill is set up, I will be using it daily which will also be a significant advantage.

I have received a few side notes from friends empathizing with my struggle and identifying feeling the same way. Some are women in my same “place in life” .. mid to late 40’s.. approaching the first glimmers of menopause.. seeing that all those things that worked in the past don’t work anymore.. feeling frustrated, embarrassed, shamed.. depressed. All are accomplished beautiful women who do things that would positively astound you. Women of character and integrity raising amazing children.. doing fantastic things in the world. Fun, beautiful, witty, snarky women. Feeling shame because there are too many pounds hugging their curves.

Absurdity. Who decided that pounds determine worth?

So right now I am sipping on a concoction.. vanilla crème shake with a sprinkle of (a free sample sent to me by same company) “(high protein) tangy orange drink” making a sort of “creamsicle” shake with a few chunks of (previous frozen) mango floating in it. It is tepid and uninspiring (I have no ice cubes),but it is my meal and that is that.

Pressing on..

Studies on Meal Replacement Plans

I got a lot of flak last time I did this plan.. relying heavily on low calorie protein based meal replacement shakes. I justified it saying that this was just for now and that I know how to eat healthy etc. Turns out there is some good science behind this method and I should probably apologize less. My father lost nearly a hundred pounds using (a different) meal replacement plan and has kept it off for over 20 years. When he needs to, he goes back on his shakes until he loses the weight he needs to.. and he exercises daily. For years he kept track in a book of every bite he put in his mouth.

The person I have "followed" whose plan I have modeled after has kept off her 100 pound weight loss for three years now.

I am planning on combining this with Weight Watchers and keeping track of "points" as well as total calories so I can get an idea of what I need to be eating.



Meal Replacements For Weight Loss

What Is A Meal-Replacement?

A meal replacement is a portion-controlled, prepackaged meal, shake, soup or drink that contains approximately 100 to 200 calories and is used to replace an entire meal or snack to help you reduce your total calorie intake and thus lose weight. These include nutritionally fortified shakes, snack bars, and low-calorie meals.

The weight loss shakes and bars are usually low in fat and calories, with about 100 to 200 calories, 2 to 5 grams of fat, about 10 to 15 grams of protein, various vitamins and minerals, and up to 5 grams of fiber.

Our Weight Loss Plan uses delicious medical-grade meal replacement shakes, bars, soups, fruit drinks, hot beverages, dessert puddings and lite entrees that are specially designed to provide optimum nutrition for weight loss.


How Do Meal Replacements Work?

Meal replacements help people lose weight by providing a controlled amount of calories, protein and fat in a prefixed portion. They simplify meal planning because they are convenient -- easy to store, and requiring little preparation. They are also reasonably prices, usually costing less than the meal they replace. Meal replacements reduce the number of decisions you have to make about what to eat and reduce your exposure to tempting foods that might result in overeating.

Many effective weight-loss meal plans that use meal replacements recommend either using them in addition to eating 1 or 2 healthy "grocery" foods meals, or replacing 2 or 3 meals and 1 snack per day to lose weight, and then replacing 1 meal per day to maintain weight.

Using a meal replacement instead of an entire meal or snack can help you to reduce your calorie and fat intake and your blood sugar levels. When you first start using meal replacements, you will likely notice an immediate reduction in your blood sugar levels because you will probably be consuming fewer calories and less carbohydrates than you would with your usual meal.



How Effective Are Meal Replacements?

Recent studies show that meal replacements have an important role to play in the diet of anyone who wants to lose excess body-fat and build healthy lean muscle.

A good example comes from a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Researchers from the University Hospital of Ulm in Germany assessed the effects of low-calorie diet combined with meal replacements on weight loss in a group of 100 obese patients.

Half of the group followed a self-selected diet of 1,200 to 1,500 calories per day, which included three meals and two snacks. The other half followed a similar self-directed diet except that they replaced two snacks and two of the three meals with meal replacements (shakes, soups or hot chocolate).

After three months, the people on the self-selected diet lost an average of 2.9 pounds, while the people using meal replacements lost an average of 15.6 pounds.

After the first three months, everyone was asked to replace one meal and one snack per day with a meal replacement. Over the next 24 months, original self-selected diet group lost an average of nine additional pounds, and the original meal replacement group lost an average of another seven more pounds. At the end of the study, the self- selected diet group had a 5.9 percent weight loss, whereas the original meal replacement group had an 11 percent weight loss.

Another study by researchers from the University of Nevada report similar results. Women using meal replacement supplements were able to maintain a far greater weight loss over the course of a year than those using other methods to control their weight.



Other Selected References on Meal Replacements

In general, published studies and references have concluded that diets including meal replacements (portion-controlled, calorie-restricted meals) produce substantially greater weight loss and weight loss maintenance than traditional diets.

On average, more than three times as much weight is lost and maintained using meal replacements as compared to traditional diets.

Meal replacements can be used successfully in a variety of settings and with various treatment populations - e.g., by individuals alone, in structured groups, with or without professional support, and with all medical co-morbidities.

Importantly, meal replacements also improve dietary compliance and overall nutritional intake, and they reduce all measured medical risk factors. Following is a sample of meal replacement references.


Research/Studies: General Weight Loss Success


Blackburn GL, Rothacker DQ. Ten-year self-management of weight using a meal replacement diet plan: comparisons with matched controls. Obes Res 2003;11:A103.

There was a 32.6 pound difference between individuals who used a meal replacement plan over 10 years compared to matched controls. Those using meal replacements lost an average of 6 pounds over the 10 years; those not using meal replacements gained 26.6 pounds. Participants were only given information on the use of meal replacements to lose and maintain weight - no other instruction was provided.

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Heymsfield SB, van Mierlo CAJ, van der Knaap HCM, Heo M, Frier HI. Weight management using a meal replacement strategy; meta and pooling analysis from six studies. Int J Obes 2003;27:537-549.

This meta-analysis of six studies found significantly greater weight loss in subjects using partial meal replacement plans (PMR) vs. conventional reduced calorie diets. The dropout rate was equivalent at 3 months but significantly less in the meal replacement group at one year. The authors concluded that "our findings demonstrate the important potential of well-developed PMR products and plans as a means of weight control."

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Ditschuneit HH, Flechtner-Mors M, Johnson TD, Adler G. Metabolic and weight loss effects of long-term dietary intervention in obese patients. Am J Clin Nutr 1999;69:198-204.

In a prospective randomized study, obese patients who used four meal replacements per day (two meals and two snacks) for three months lost five times more weight than those who were on a conventional low-calorie diet (15.6 pounds vs. 2.9 pounds). Both groups then used two meal replacements (one meal and one snack) and, on average, all continued to lose weight long term (24-month maintenance phase). Additionally, by the end of the study, both groups experienced significant reductions in blood pressure, glucose, and insulin.

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Bray GA. Treatment and secondary prevention of obesity (editorial). Nutr 2000;16:384-385. Hill JO. Long-term weight control with meal replacements (editorial). Nutr 2000;16:385.

In these two editorials the authors supported the effectiveness of meal replacements as a simple and minimal intervention. As Bray noted, the long-term results imply that "the subjects were continuing to treat themselves, which is the hallmark of success for primary treatment of obesity and for secondary prevention of weight regain". Hill concluded that, "in this study, a minimal intervention [i.e., meal replacements] had a significant impact on body weight". Commenting on the practical value of meal replacements, he stated that "we need to evaluate more of these 'real-life' interventions that have the potential to be translated into other settings".

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Wadden TA, Berkowitz RI, Sarwer DB, Prus-Wisniewski R, Steinberg C. Benefits of lifestyle modification in the pharmacologic treatment of obesity. Arch Intern Med 2001;161:218-227.

In a one-year randomized trial of 53 obese women, those who used meal replacements for four months in conjunction with group lifestyle modification and obesity medications lost four times more weight than women who used medications alone (36.5 vs. 8.4 pounds).

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Rothacker DQ, Staniszewski BA, Ellis PK. Liquid meal replacement vs. traditional food: A Potential model for women who cannot maintain eating habit change. J Am Diet Assoc 2001;101:345-347.

Seventy-five overweight women were randomized to either a recommended 1200 calorie/day diet of low fat foods or a similar diet with at least one meal replacement per day for one year. There was no other intervention. After 12 weeks, the meal replacement group lost significantly more weight than the diet group, and, after one year, the meal replacement group maintained their initial weight loss whereas the traditional diet group regained most of their weight loss. "In this study, having food consumption controlled at one meal was enough to keep the weight from coming back."

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Allison DB, Gadbury G, Schwartz LG, Murugesan R, Kraker JL, Heshka S, Fontaine KR, Heymsfield SB. A novel soy-based meal replacement formula for weight loss among obese individuals: a randomized controlled clinical trial. Eur J Clin Nutr 2003;571514-522.

One hundred obese patients using five meal replacement shakes a day (along with fruits and vegetables) lost significantly more weight after 12 weeks than those following a conventional low calorie diet. The meal replacement group also had a greater change in total and LDL cholesterol.

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Ryttig KR, Rossner S. Weight maintenance after a very low-calorie diet (VLCD) weight reduction period and the effects of VLCD supplementation: A prospective, randomized, comparative, controlled long-term trial. J Int Med 1995;238:299-306.

Fifty-two patients who had used a VLCD for 12 weeks were then randomized to a 1600-calorie maintenance diet - one group with and one without the inclusion of two daily liquid supplements. After one year, the group using two daily supplements kept off more of their weight loss than the group using no supplement.

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Meal Replacements Safely Used in Type 2 Diabetes

Redmon JB, Raatz SK, Reck KP, Swamson JE, Kwong CA, Fan Q, Thomas W, Bantle JP. One-year outcome of a combination of weight loss therapies for subjects with type 2 diabetes. Diabetes Care 2003;26:2505-2511.

Overweight individuals with type 2 diabetes lost significantly more weight and improved diabetes control with a combination therapy that included meal replacements compared with a standard weight loss program.

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Yip I, Go VLW, DeShields S, et al. Liquid meal replacements and glycemic control in obese type 2 diabetes patients. Obes Res 2001;9(suppl 4):341S-347S.

Fifty-seven patients with type 2 diabetes used either meal replacements (two meal replacement shakes and one portion-controlled dinner high in fruits and vegetables per day) or a calorically-restricted diet (American Diabetes Association Exchange Diet) for 12 weeks. Both diets results in significant weight loss demonstrating that meal replacements can be used safely for weight loss in obese type 2 diabetics. The meal replacement group had greater weight and fat mass loss and reductions in fasting glucose compared to the ADA group.

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Li Z, Hong K, Thames G, Minutti C, Heber D. Meal replacements but not individualized exchange plan diets result in reductions in C-reactive protein (hsCRP) levels in obese patients with type 2 diabetes. Obes Res 2003;11(suppl):A50.

Meal replacement use resulted in greater weight loss over 24 weeks than individualized diet plans in obese patients with type 2 diabetes. This resulted in significant improvements in C-reactive protein, insulin sensitivity, and lipid levels.

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Reynolds LR, Konz ED, Frederich RC, Anderson JW. Rosiglitazone amplifies the benefits of lifestyle intervention measures in long-standing type 2 diabetes mellitus. Diabetes Obes Metab 2002;4:270-275.

Patients with long-standing, poorly controlled type 2 diabetes requiring insulin therapy participated in a 6-month structured program incorporating meal replacements (three shakes and two pre-packaged entrees per day), fruits and vegetables, and physical activity. The average weight loss of 20.2 pounds led to substantial reductions in multiple cardiovascular risk factors along with a 14.1 unit/day average decrease in insulin dose and an average decrease in HbA1c of 1.2 percentage points.

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Reynolds LR, Konz ED, Frederich RC, Anderson JW. Rosiglitazone amplifies the benefits of lifestyle intervention measures in long-standing type 2 diabetes mellitus. Diabetes Obes Metab 2002;4:270-275.

Patients with long-standing, poorly controlled type 2 diabetes requiring insulin therapy participated in a 6-month structured program incorporating meal replacements (three shakes and two pre-packaged entrees per day), fruits and vegetables, and physical activity. The average weight loss of 20.2 pounds led to substantial reductions in multiple cardiovascular risk factors along with a 14.1 unit/day average decrease in insulin dose and an average decrease in HbA1c of 1.2 percentage points.

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Meal Replacements Used Successfully in a
Variety of Settings

Ashley JM, St. Jeor ST, Schrage JP, Perumean-Chaney SE, Gilbertson MC, McCall NL, Bovee V. Weight control in the physician's office. Arch Intern Med 2001;161:1599-1604.

A primary care office intervention that included brief physician/nurse visits and the use of meal replacements was as effective as a traditional group intervention without meal replacements. Furthermore, overweight women using meal replacements in a traditional lifestyle-based group lost more than twice as much weight and maintained significantly more of the weight loss after one year than women not using meal replacements. The average weight loss in the meal replacement group was 9.1% of initial body weight, with substantial improvements in medical risk factors.

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Winick C, Rothacker DQ, Normal RL. Four worksite weight loss programs with high-stress occupations using a meal replacement product. Occup Med 2002;52:25-30.

Nearly 500 employees in four different occupational groups who used meal replacements (shakes and nutrition bars) on their own, lost an average of 16 pounds in 12 weeks. The retention of weight loss was considerable , particularly in the airline personnel, 2/3 of whom had retained >80% of their weight loss after one year, and half of these weighed less than at week 12.

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Cho S, Alberding J, Sadler B, Johnson KJ, Clark C. Worksite weight loss program with meal and snack replacement system: twelve week results. Am J Clin Nutr 2002;75:383S.

Employees at a worksite were randomized to a 1200-calorie/day diet or a similar caloric meal replacement plan. The meal replacement group lost more weight and showed greater reductions in systolic blood pressure and cholesterol. The participants found the meal replacements "made a weight loss program simple and easy to follow."

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Goffhelf L, Ringie L, Jacobsen D. Coaching a weight loss group over the telephone: a successful treatment option. Obes Res 2003;11:A84.

Participants in a phone-based weight loss program incorporating meal replacements (3 shakes and 2 pre-packaged entrees per day) lost an average of 16 pounds in 6 weeks or 7.5% of initial body weight. These results were virtually identical to those of participants in a clinic using the same weight loss program.

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Meal Replacements Improve Dietary Compliance, Nutritional Intake, and Reduce Risk Factors

Ashley JM, St. Jeor ST, Perumean-Chaney SE, Schrage JP, Bovee V. Meal replacements in weight intervention. Obes Res 2001;9 (suppl 4):312S-320S.

In the second year (maintenance) of an earlier study, women using meal replacements maintained more weight loss than those not using meal replacements. Those using meal replacements within the structure of a lifestyle group maintained significantly more weight loss (8.5% of initial body weight) than all the others. Furthermore, women using meal replacements in the group showed an increased intake of micronutrients as well as significant increases in vegetable and fruit servings .

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Flechtner-Mors M, Ditschuneit H, Johnson T, Suchard M, Adler G. Metabolic and weight loss effects of long-term dietary intervention in obese patients: four year results. Obes Res 2000;8:399-402.

In a continuation of an earlier study, two meal replacements (one meal and one snack) daily were effective in maintaining weight loss and sustaining healthy eating (reduced energy, fat, and cholesterol intake) for a period of four years. "From the health point of view, the most important observation is that continued use of a meal replacement strategy can improve several important biomarkers of disease risk for an extended time" (e.g., glucose, insulin, lipids, and blood pressure). Furthermore, the continued use of meal replacements prevented weight gain in those who dropped out and then re-entered the program.

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Rothacker DQ, McPartlan L. Improved intakes of calcium with reduced fat in adults using one daily meal replacement shake. Obes Res 1999;7 (suppl 1):96S.

Food diaries were analyzed on designated meal replacement days (using a meal replacement shake for the first meal of the day) and control days for 117 adults. By simply adding one meal replacement shake a day , a significantly greater percent of adults (52% vs. NIH's estimate of 19%) were able to meet the 1000 mg/day guideline for calcium. The average daily intake of calcium increased by almost 300 mg, while calories and fat were consistently lower.

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Metz JA, Stern, JS, Kris-Etherton P, et al. A randomized trial of improved weight loss with a prepared meal plan in overweight and obese patients. Arch Intern Med 2000;160:2150-2158.
This year-long, randomized, clinical trial to test the effect of a prepared meal plan on weight loss included 302 patients with hypertension and dyslipidemia or type 2 diabetes. "The results demonstrate that the prepared meal plan is more effective in inducing weight loss in such subjects than a macronutrient-equivalent UCD (usual care diet). The greater weight loss in the prepared meal plan group likely reflects, in part, better dietary compliance and thus, greater sustained reductions in energy and fat intake. Furthermore, the prepared meal plan was more effective in improving multiple risk factors and in enhancing quality of life.

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McCarron DA, Oparil S, Chait A, et al. Nutritional management of cardiovascular risk factors. Arch Intern Med 1997;157:169-177.

The purpose of this muticenter trial (see also Metz above) was to assess the clinical effects of a total dietary plan designed to meet the nutritional recommendations of major U.S. health organizations for cardiovascular risk reduction. The use of prepackaged meals for 10 weeks was compared to a nutritionist-guided self-selected diet in people with hypertension, dyslipidemia, diabetes, or a combination of these conditions. The prepackaged plan resulted in greater clinical benefits, weight loss, nutritional completeness, and compliance than the self-selected diet. Most significant was the impact of the food plans on achieving simultaneous reductions in multiple cardiovascular risk factors.

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Mattes RD. Ready-to-eat cereal used as meal replacement promotes weight loss in humans. AJ Am Coll Nutr 2002;21:570-577.

A ready-to-eat cereal, used as a portion-controlled meal replacement twice a day for two weeks, led to lowered calorie intake and therefore, greater weight loss as compared to control groups. This study lends further support that meal replacements provide "a conceptually simply regimen, high palatability, relatively low cost, and wide availability."



The results of these studies suggest that meal replacements are a very effective weight-loss strategy both short and long term.