I'm Not Fat Anymore

I am not fat anymore.  I am also not thin, but I am not fat.  This has been a pretty big mind adjustment.. still.  I am somewhere around 137 now and 7 ish pounds from my wedding goal.  I have more or less taken a break from "working hard at losing" and am more simply maintaining.  For me, it has always been about getting my head in the game and keeping momentum.  Once I am "there," I do well staying there, but once I step off the path, it is really hard to get back on.

I bought new clothes at Ross.. for the most part, a new wardrobe. I have new skirts, dresses, jeans, pajamas... I have clothes to wear that aren't hanging off me.  My size 10 jeans.. really pretty jeans.. are on the borderline of being slightly too big.  Yesterday, I wore a size 8 suit that I haven't worn since at least 2008 and maybe before that.  I removed about half or more of my clothing out of my closet for donation.

More strikingly than having lost this weight is my acceptance level of my current body.  This is not my ultimate goal and I have not been in the gym making things firm and fit... but I feel happy about where I am at and very accepting.  This is a new experience for me and possibly resulting from being so very overweight (for me) for close to a decade.  I do look forward to the next phase, but that hasn't negated my gratitude and acceptance for where I am at currently.

The biggest things that have changed in my life in the past five months since I embarked on this journey are that I can move again without a ton of exhaustion and fatigue.  It's amazing what almost 30 pounds off an under 5' body feels like.  I can put on clothes and feel OK about how they feel and look without the constant need to hide and cover. I am even OK with not having that look perfect.  And the stigma of being seen as a fat older chick is mostly lifted.  Movement, Acceptance, Relief.  That is how I would characterize where I am at right now.

My wedding is in under 50 days.  I can reasonably lose another 7 pounds if I make that my priority.  I'd still like to, mostly because I would like to say that reaching my goal was a priority and that I did it  (moreso than the actual number on the scale).  I am OK if I don't get there.  I think this has been successful either way.